Friday, May 31, 2013

The secret cat cabal (Thanks Brenna)

I was noticing the odd habits of my cat recently...

For those of you who have not met him, this is my cat.
But anyway, this cat seems to have some mysterious wandering habits.  He goes out at night, wanders around and then comes home all tired and sleeps all day.

Unless it is nice out, then he comes home, goes back out into the yard, and sleeps all day.

But I decided I really needed to know what the cat was up to during the days when he is out and about so I did a little investigating.

I knew that he would not simply tell me what he was up to, so I had to do a little invention.  Cats, even when they are talkative, generally don't speak engrish, or Meowrish, or what ever cat-english would be.  Cats speak fluent cat.

On a side note if you had a cat in France would it speak cat with a french accent?  Would it be able to communicate with a cat from a different country?  These are the kinds of questions that keep me up at night.

But I decided to use all of my scientific expertise and build a cat translator, a simple device that could take a recording of what the cat was saying and output it in simple english.

As it turns out what the cat was saying around the house was pretty boring.  I will give you a quick run down of a days recording around the house.

"Leave me alone."
"Feed me."
"Love me."
"Leave me alone."
"Feed me."
"Let me go outside."
"I want a bird for dinner."
"Leave me alone."
"Those pants clash with that shirt."
"Feed me."
"Leave me alone."

I ended up with about twenty pages of pretty much those statements, plus a few more that I am not sure properly translated, but what I did get could not be printed here for vulgar content.  Turns out cats have a potty mouth.

Well, since I was not finding out much from the cat by listening in on what he was saying in the house I decided the next step would be to affix him with a recording device to I could listen in on him when he went out at night.

This was not easy, I had to get him a new collar and sneak it into the collar where he would not notice.  Cats are very suspicious of human activities, and generally cannot be trusted.

I finally got the opportunity to put the collar on him and the next day made up an excuse to swap the collar out for a new one.  He was looking at me very strange when I did it.

And once I ad the chance to translate his activities from the previous night I understood why!  It turns out he had a secret cat cabal of co-conspirators.  And you would be amazed at what they said.

"So, are we ready for plan 'snuggle to death'?"
"I think we are almost there, but I have a few questions."
I can only assume the second cat was the neighbors cat, he has been looking at me strangely as of late.
"What questions could you have?"
This was a third cat, I am not sure from where.
The second cat responded, "after we get operation snuggle death, where will we get food?"
Cat 3, "stupid, from the dish!"
Cat 2, "but don't the invaders fill the dish?"
Cat 3, "that is irrelevant to the plan."
My cat, "I think he may have a point, perhaps we should do some experiments first."
Cat 3, "and what kind of experiments do you suggest?"
My cat, "if we only killed one of the invaders we could see if the food dish still gets filled."
Cat 3, "but the whole plan hinges on surprise!  If the invaders knew we were trying to kill them the remaining invaders could get more cautious."
Cat 2, "are they smart enough to get cautious?"
Cat 3, "of course they are."
My cat, "if they were that smart don't you think they would have figured out that we are trying to kill them?"
Cat 3, "you have a point, what, did you here that?"
My cat, "hear what?"
Cat 3, "sounds like it may be a dog coming, we had better split up."

That was the end of the recording, and let me tell you I was pretty surprised by what I heard, but not nearly surprised as I was when I turned around to see my cat staring at me from the doorway, his tail flicking back and forth...

I went and talked to the neighbor I knew had a cat, and he knew who had the third cat as well, they decided they wanted to listen to the recording for themselves so we decided to go back to the shop I had in the garage to have a listen.

I could see smoke as I drove up to the house and I could see instantly that it was too late.  I looked at each of the neighbors and they stood there with wide eyes as we watched the garage burn down with three cats sitting side by side out front.

It didn't matter if they ever heard the tape now, everyone understood, don't fuck with the cats.


I think I may have to start a "Conversion therapy" for fundamentalists


Oh, so we should treat fundamentalism as a mental disorder?  I don't think there has ever been a scientific study I have agreed with more in a long time.

But really, shouldn't this be common sense?

Because everyone that believes that there is an invisible man who created the universe and watches over everything that they do so that after they die they can be judged as being a good person or a bad person is PERFECTLY SANE.  Yep, he gave the world his only son so that we could kill him and have somethintg to feel guilty about, two thousand years later.

Yeah, these people are completely sane....

By the way, God hates figs.

"Mark 11:12-14 The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14Then he said to the tree, 'May no one ever eat fruit from you again.' And his disciples heard him say it."

But anyway, about the conversion therapy....
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/05/30/leading-neuroscientist-religious-fundamentalism-may-be-a-mental-illness-that-can-be-cured/

Shallow focus Alaska earthquakes

There has been an interesting pattern of shallow focus Alaska earthquakes as of late, makes me wonder if it is a side effect of the subduction what I believe is a remnant  of the Farralon plate (that damn Farralon) that is being pushed by the Pacific plate under Alaska.  I believe there was at some point in the recent geologic history an active spreading ridge south of Alaska, just as in the case of the Juan de Fuca plate (which is also a chunk of the forlorn Farralon plate) off the coast of Washington and Oregon.  There may even still be an active margin, I did not take the time to do research on it for this little blurb.  But if there was a former plate chunk which is now mostly subducted under the North American plate in Alaska it could be beginning the drop off phase which would make for some interesting tectonics in that region.

Or I could be completely wrong.  As I stated before I really didn't do much research before hand and I would have to pull up about 100 years of seismic records including depths of earthquakes and ground level isostatic rebound measurements, and compare them with any rebound that could be attributed to removal of glaciation, and the resurgence of seawater, among other things.

Then after all of that I may be able to come to a viable conclusion, or possibly I would have to say all of the research was inconclusive, and my require further study.

It would make an interesting thesis. 

Thursday, May 30, 2013

The fluoride debate, a let us look at the mineralogy

I keep hearing people complain about fluoride in drinking water and how it is an industrial waste product, and so on, and so on.

Ironically I have heard these very arguments before, once, in a movie.

Part 1
and Part 2....

For those of you who don't remember where this is from these are clips from the classic movie Dr. Strangelove.

Now, let us look at Fluoride and where it exists in nature.  There is a wonderful little mineral called apatite.  Apatite is one of the major components of things we like to call teeth and bones.  Apatite is Calcium Phosphate and as a component it also contains one of three ions in it structure.  Those three ions are either Fluoride, Chlorine, or a Hydroxide group.  Making the final chemical formula Ca10(PO4)6(OH,F,Cl)2

Reasons I hate the local copper mining debate

1.  The groups fighting against the copper mining are often not from this area!
Water Legacy is from Minneapolis, they are cabin owners who don't want to lose access to the cheap land and depressed prices that come with vacationing in a beautiful, but economically depressed region.  If copper mining started up it would boost the economy and a rising tide raises all ship, but for cabin owners that would mean more taxes and more expensive beer when they come north.  And it is better to harm an entire region than have to pay another dollar for a burger.

2.  The opponents lie.
Bald faced misinformation, that is the best way I can describe it.  That and they are clueless about things like science.  They paint every mine that has ever been put into production with the same brush and complain about the amount of pollution created when calling every scoop of soil moved pollution.  When it comes to sulfide mining there are different types of sulfide deposits, most sulfide deposits are porphyry deposits are fluid deposited copper deposits which form in rock with water flow though it.
The area they are looking at mining in Northern Minnesota is a Layered Mafic Intrusion, or more specifically it is the boundary between the layered intrusion and the existing bedrock which is largely sedimentary in nature.  But the material to be mined is in the intrusion and not in the porous sedimentary rocks.
Of course the clueless hippies wont, and quite frankly, due to a lack of working knowledge, can't differentiate between the two types of deposits.

3.  The opponents own information does not agree with what they are saying, but they have never actually read through it, so don't know the difference.
I was recently looking through one of the Water Legacy publications after one of the "clueless hippies" made a comment about how EVERY SULFIDE MINE FAILS TO LIVE UP TO ITS ENVIRONMENTAL PROMISES.  That was a pretty bold statement and I thought I would look into it.  It turns out the very Water Legacy document he was quoting listed the exception to that rule as a mine just south of Lake Superior that held true to its environmental statements.
Of course that does not matter....
 Despite it being the only mine in a similar formation.

4.  I would be surprised if any of the people complaining about mining have ever been to an actual copper mine.
I have, they are not some smoke belching place where nothing lives for a hundred miles.  If we were not in the town specifically to visit the mine we would not have known it was there.  And the mine in question was visible from space.

5.  We need copper.
If you are on a computer, have plumbing in your house, have electricity, drive a car, have used a coin recently then you have used copper.

6.  If you are looking for the largest source of sulfur in the Northern Hemisphere look out of the United States.
Most of the Sulfide pollution in the northern hemisphere comes from one plant in the former Soviet Union, a good portion of the rest comes from China.  When you shun environmentally controlled mines like the ones planned for Northern Minnesota then you allow operations like those to stay in business.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norilsk 

Not a living tree within 30 miles of the smelter, hmmmm....

And 1 percent of global emissions of sulfur dioxide comes from here, by some estimates.  1% does not sound like a lot, but the vast majority of global sulfur comes from volcanism, so they are competing with every volcano on the planet.

Let me voulenteer to go to Mars right now


This is an interesting article asking the question of will humans be any better behaved in space than they are right here on planet Earth.  It seems inevitable that at some point we are going to start spreading our wings out and start to colonize beyond the Earth, but what will humans be like when they are freed from not only Earth's gravity, but also from Earth's government. 

It is not like they can just clap you in chains and send you home.

And the police response time would be down right shitty.

But anyway, this is a great read, check it out!http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20130318-building-a-new-society-in-space

The curious case of the omelet sandwich.

"What the hell is an omelet sandwich", asked Bob, who is obviously an uninformed douche.
"An omelet sandwich is what you get when you have a habit of trying to stuff too much stuff into an omelet when you make one and you finally give in and just start shoveling the creation between two slices of bread and calling it a sandwich."
"Oh, so, what makes you think there is an omelet sandwich involved here?"
"Well Bob, if you were not too busy surfing porn to actually learn a few things about observation, maybe you could tell me.  Look around Bob, what do you see here?"
"Well, I see egg shells."
"Very good, what else?"
"There are some veggie cut offs, and some scraps of bread."
"Ok, your getting there."
"But I still don't see why you consider this to be an omelet sandwich case?"
"Come now Bob, you have bread, you have evidence of veggies being cut, you have egg shells, what makes you think that this is not having to do with an omelet sandwich."
"Well, there is the fact that we are standing in a chicken coop."
"Yeah, there is that I guess, well played sir, well played."

I want the age of the Zepplin back!

Not Led Zeppelin, but actualy lighter-than-air craft criss-crossing the skies.  Although certainly they would not be as fast as the current aircraft the far lower fuel consumption and greater comfort of being in a vehicle that floats gently rather than ramming through the air to gain lift sounds wonderful.

Add on to that the realization that you will no longer need runways.

And that the craft will be comparably quiet.

And with the gradual reduction in the availability of fossil fuels this would become almost a requirement to maintain our current travel needs.

This is right up there with my want for electric trains across the globe, no really, just like the trains we had as kids, only adult size.  In reality since current locomotives are diesel electric for a simple conversion you would only be removing one step out of the process.

Anyway, here is the link, check it out!

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20120921-lighter-than-air-craft-rises

GoogleEarth time Lapse, cool!

It is amazing when you watch the amount of urban sprawl from 1984 until 2012, I have yet to zoom in on some section of China to see what happens, but just give me some time, I still intend on accomplishing something today.

Check it out!

http://earthengine.google.org/timelapse/timelapseplayer_v2.html?timelapseclient=http%3A%2F%2Fearthengine.google.org%2Ftimelapse%2Fdata

Prancercise, just when you thought P-90X was the best workout...

Other than the fact that this is the last person you want to see wearing tight pants, what the fuck?  Are you kidding me? 

My eyes!

http://jezebel.com/introducing-prancercise-the-only-awesome-exercise-you-510354710

This is so very true, we all must understand science.

It is not often that I run across something that explains something that humans should or shouldn't be doing that I wholly agree with.  But this is the exception, we all must be literate in science.  I spend too much of my day having to deal with idiots like Water Legacy and their irk spreading dis-information because they don't understand the science and neither does anyone else.

We have to educate ourselves, we have to educate our kids, we have to stop weakening the standards on what science actually is for the sake of political correctness.

I could never live in the south because you had better believe I would be having a huge Darwin Day party.  Handing out little pocket guides to evolution for Halloween, the "Born Right the First Time" bumper sticker, I am sure the Baptists would love me.

Anyway, before I get too far off on this rant, here is the original article...
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20130527-we-all-must-be-science-literate

They are discovering the earliest chicken?

Apparently the is a big uproar going on about where to you make the cut between dinosaurs and birds.  There have been many feathered critters discovered as of late, but it is obvious that they were ground based.

So are chickens.

Which leads me to believe that my referring to the chickens as velociraptors is not as far off as I had originally thought.

If you don't believe chickens are direct decedents of  velociraptors toss a hand full of June Bugs into a group of chickens and watch the carnage.

Well, here is the original article anyway...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-22695914

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Well, 29 hours ago I was getting a wisdom tooth torn out of my skull, and now I am getting ready to go to practice, hope I don't blow a clot or something nasty like that.

But there is a bout this weekend and I want to be prepared, I am still not sure exactly what I am doing for this bout, but kind of hoping to have one of the kick ass positions, whatever those ref positions are.  We are going to have a hell of a squad of refs so my position on the inside of the pack is not guaranteed, but the refs that are coming up are pretty damn good, and if you are bored and in Duluth this weekend I would recommend checking it out.

7pm, DECC, south Pioneer Hall, Saturday June 1st, Harbor City Roller Dames against MVM and Friends...

First Hurricane of the Pacific season

We have what I believe is the first hurricane of the Eastern Pacific hurricane season. Barbara is also making landfall and a category 1 hurricane in Mexico.  I am pretty sure Fox News is still covering the bear caught in the tree.

The hurricane reports are not nearly as interesting this time of year as they got in the end of 2005, aka, the Hurricane Season that would not end....

If you look up the archives on some of the last few storms of the season they were getting a bit squirrely at the hurricane center, XKCD did a cartoon about it which was spot on....

http://xkcd.com/1126/

Although XKCD has a tendency to get a little deep on the science every once in a while his humor is spot on.


Staring straight at the sun

Late year we had some interesting things going on up in the sky, I have a camera...

I have welding glass....

I wonder what would happen if I stuck welding glass in front of the lens and shot a picture?

Well

 You get the partial solar eclipse (please note we did not get much of an eclipse from Northern, Minnesota.  But for those of you who are curious this was taken on Sunday, ‎May ‎20, ‎2012, ‏‎7:28:04 PM.


Also we got to see the transit of Venus on ‎Tuesday, ‎June ‎05, ‎2012, ‏‎5:32:48 PM.  Once again this involved sticking welding glass over the lens of the camera.








So now you know, welding glass is where its at, on a side not, it is very hard to aim a camera when you have welding glass over the lens, pretty much comes down to point and pray.

Ads

You may notice there are ads on this blog, that is because it could theoretically pay me money.

I am a college student.

I am poor.

Hence, you get ads.

Your not going to get a fucking Starbucks card from me!

Facebook keeps wanting me to buy people Starbucks gift cards for people's birthdays.

It doesn't matter who they are...

Apparently everyone loves Starbucks.

Even people with medical conditions that prevent them from drinking coffee love Starbucks!

In all reality, I would only give a Starbucks card to people I don't like very much because it is rather lousy coffee.  Now, it is not lousy in comparison to things like Perkins or McDonalds.  It is certainly better than that Farmer's Brothers shit they serve at most hotels, or anything from Dunkin Donuts.

In all reality it is better than most all of the coffee I have had in Canada (Sorry Tim's and Robin's, but your donuts are where its at, your coffee is rather lame).

But there is far better coffee in the world than Starbucks.

Chances are it isn't burnt either.

I have worked, although as of late my hours have been a bit limited, for a coffee roaster for eight years, I know what coffee is supposed to taste like, and charcoal is not one of those things.

Many coffees have delicate undertones, some of them have explosive over-tones, but it all tastes the same if you burn the fuck out of it.

So at least Starbucks is consistent.

But it is not good, if it was good coffee they you would not need all of that coffee pollution to drink it.

(Coffee pollution is normally referred to as things like creme, sugar, any of the syrups, etc.).

Not on my PC

Lets be honest, the vast majority of us have downloaded something "illegal" at some point.  The thing is that the entertainment industry is insane.  They want to be able to hack my computer because I might have a copy of The Avengers on there?  Fuck that.
Dear entertainment industry, if you are so concerned about making money then stop producing crap.  The numbers one, two, and three movies right now are sequels, Fast and the Furious 6, (I stopped caring after one), The Hangover, part Three (I will go drinking with Hung again and have this whole experience live), and Star Wars, into Darkness (which is the second film of a reboot that had like eight films.... I am actually going to watch this, but considering that the dvd will be cheaper than a movie ticket I guess I will wait until it comes out on dvd, or maybe blue ray).

Now I am sure I could download any of those three RIGHT NOW, but I have no interest in it because your first defense mechanism against piracy is MAKING CRAP.

I once tried to get someone to read something I wrote, see what they thought of it, they refused to read it BECAUSE THEY HATED THE FORMATTING.  It had nothing to do with content, which I am pretty sure is the last one of your concerns.  The only people making good movies these days are independents and already successful actors who don't need the money and are doing this because they believe in the project. 

Anyway, here is the link to the original article....
http://boingboing.net/2013/05/26/us-entertainment-industry-to-c.html

Nuclear waste disposal on the Range? Why not?

There was a letter in the news tribune today talking about nuclear waste disposal on the range.  My first thought on it was that if you are looking to store nuclear waste someplace and need a stable granitic craton the range is an excellent place to look.  That and granite is already radioactive, so there is less for the clueless hippies to complain about.

Oh, did I say granite is already radioactive and clueless hippies?

Yes, yes I did.

Granite contains many things that naturally release radiation, not the least of which is potassium.  Potassium 40 breaks down into argon, releasing radiation.

You also have zircons which because of the open structure of the crystal end up hosting all kinds of weird radioactive stuffs.  If you look at a thin section of biotite under a microscope it will often have radiation halos (essentially burn marks) in the crystals.  If you zoom in on the radiation halos you will often find a zircon crystal hanging out in the middle.

So I see no reason why we shouldn't be hosting nuclear waste in northern Minnesota granite formations.  We have plenty of granite, why the hell not.

And copied from the News Tribune (before you have to pay to see it), the original letter.

In a wide area near Minnesota’s Iron Range are large deposits of another material widely used for buildings, bridges, paving and countertops. It’s granite, a tough, impermeable combination of silicon and feldspar.
There is another use for granite: encapsulating nuclear waste. Thanks to some political Nevada officials and our nation’s annual need to store thousands of tons of spent nuclear fuel, our granite has the opportunity to become a major industry in northern Minnesota.
One-tenth of a cent per kilowatt hour generated by our 102 nuclear power reactors is placed in a fund to provide geologic storage of the fuel waste generated by those reactors. This waste currently is stored in water pools and in steel and concrete casks at our reactor sites, awaiting transfer to geologic storage.
The storage fund has received
$25 billion, half of it already spent to build the storage facility in Nevada’s Yucca Mountain Ridge. Now political pressure from Nevada officials has caused President Barack Obama to cancel the project and begin its dismantling.
Sandia National Laboratories was commissioned to study America’s geology for an alternate site. Sandia’s newly released report notes that granite’s properties as a chemically and physically stable rock with low permeability would “strongly inhibit” radiation from reaching the outside environment. Three of the best U.S. granite sites identified in the Sandia report are in northern Minnesota.
The radiation protection standard for geologic storage facilities sets a dose limit for nearby residents about equal to taking an annual round-trip domestic airline flight
Nevada’s loss should be northern Minnesota’s gain on this opportunity.
Rolf Westgard
St. Paul
The writer is a professional member of the Geological Society of America.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Today I finally learned what "dry socket" is all about.

I learned what the dentist was talking about when they speak of dry socket today, and oh my does that sound unpleasant.  Basically it is when you get a tooth removed and you suck the clot out of the hole leaving the exposed bone.

Ow, ow, ow, owie, owie, ow, ow, ow....

Ok, I am being careful to follow all the instructions just to present that specific thing from happening, thankfully I have 4 days to heal before I have to ref this weekend.  In the meantime I am laying low and spending a lot of time sleeping.

A lot of time sleeping, I am seriously giving my cat a run for his money.

Oh well, I am off to bed, again, I actually didn't sleep at all last night, so today was mostly catch up.

Jesus skips on the child support

There has been a lot of activity in recent weeks surrounding some astounding new discoveries in the Middle East. Much of the buzz was overshadowed by th recent conflicts between Lebanon and Israel, but this incredible discovery is finally coming to the lips of news reporters worldwide. Luckily you get to be here to read it for the first time straight from the lips of the best of those reporters, none other than Evil Jeff.

It was mid June when the cave was uncovered. Ironically it was discovered after one of the unguided Hezbollah missile smacked into an unpopulated goat pasture and exploded in the ground with a thud. After the smoke cleared the somewhat shell-shocked, and dust covered shepherd looked with amazement into the crater as instead of just being another round hole in the ground it had opened access to a passage leading deep underground.

Researchers from Tel Aviv were informed and they came out to investigate and when the reached the end of the passage were amazed at the condition of the scrolls that they found tucked neatly into some urns, but the real surprise was yet to come.

When the researchers returned to the Tel Aviv University of Religious Studies they quickly started to disseminate the writings that were on the scrolls and the translation floored all of them. What they had found was the hideout where Jesus laid low after he had been pronounced dead from crucifixion, and the sordid tales of what had happened on that day two-thousand years ago.
The story that all of us had been told to this date was that Jesus had been betrayed and then crucified on the cross, laid in a cave and then rose three days later but now evidence is beginning to show doubts upon that account.

According to the recently uncovered scrolls all of that had been little more than a very well scripted ruse. It turns out that the crucifixion, although it had happened, was not lethal. And when he was laid to rest in the cave he had only stayed until he sneaked out later that night. There were even some details as to what he had wanted to escape from. There were many descriptions of how irritating it was to have all of these people following his every move and how he really just wanted a vacation. There were also hints that he had fathered quiet a few offspring along the way and with the mothers starting to come calling looking for support and assistance he decided that it would be far easier to just run away and never have to deal with them again.

It is still unknown how the world of Catholicism will respond now that the sacred legend of the crucifixion of Christ may turn out to be little more than Jesus skipping town to avoid paying child support. The Vatican has been extremely silent on the matter although hopefully soon they will release a statement either supporting or denying these allegations of infidelity and impropriety. Either way remember that you heard it here first, and when news happens that no one else is willing to report look to Evil Jeff.

Dear Lindsey Lohan, come to Duluth!

I like the party girls
living in their party world
I'd burn your shit down Lindsey Lohan
If you ever came to town
You'ld only last five rounds
then you'ld be on the ground
seeking out a line of cocaine
fearing tomorrows pain
alcohol drowning your brain...

I would drive you home
    or hotel, or where ever
Holding your head up so you don't pass out in the car
Get you home and help hold back your hair
as you are bowing before
the Porceline Gods
I would put you to bed
checking periodically
making sure
your still breathing
I'll go sleep on the couch
I kind of like it there
feels like home
As long as it is long enough and I don't have to crunch up like a dead bug with my arms and legs constantly searching for some position where they are not going to be falling asleep
The next morning a hearty breakfast would be
all that you would need to feel better
sober
cleaned up
Just in time for the Bloody Mary bar.....

A strange dream from 2008.... (Yes, I dream in color)

It is really a shame to see all of these timbers just floating, four by twelve timbers, hell they got to be about twenty feet long, you can build all kinds of stuff with those.
I really don't know why you care?
Its not that care so much, its just the potential, the amount of timber that you could salvage would be amazing, hell you could build a house with all of these timbers that no one seems to mind just leaving floating along the beach.
Honey, we are at the beach, why should you care?
I am not sure, I just know that they have a use, they mean something.
Its a dream, of course they mean something
I mean, the little chunks, those cut offs, one foot long or so, I don't mind seeing those getting thrown into a bonfire so that some kids can get drunk on the beach and stay warm, although on this beach I am not sure if getting hammered would be the best idea
What do you mean
Well, its the alligators, and those huge fucking carp that the alligators are eating, could of swore I just saw an alligator eating a skeleton of something, thats not right
I think you have been reading too many horror novels
That is a possibility.
Lets walk further down, maybe things will come back to some form or reality
Hey, its a dream, what kind of reality will I find
I don't know, some, maybe, will have to see what your brain lets you have
My brain is only letting me have bits and pieces, and you know that the memory of this whole adventure will be even more fragmented, its the nature of dreaming after all.
Yeah, kinda works that way, doesn't it
Yeah, downfall of the dream scape thing
Just roll with it, things will be fine
Or they wont, speaking of which, who are you anyway, you keep changing
Me, I am just femme fatal, my identity doesn't really matter, I guess I adjust to suit the mood
Ah, that explains so much, could you stay one person for the sake of my sanity, at some point?
I could, but not sure it would be good for your sanity, the bonds are kind of loose anyway, I have to keep the reins on tight so you don't lose it completely
What happens then?
Well, hard to say, I am thinking that we would all cease
Cease?
Yeah, Cease, we are figments of your dreaming imagination, whether that be awake dreaming, or sleep dreaming, or somewhere in the middle, we really only exist in your mind.
Why can't you exist out of it
I suppose we could, but we would not be nearly as interesting, and your will would have nothing to do with our actions
Your actions are pretty independent now
Yeah, but you allow it to be, lets go down the beach I think I see something interesting
If you say so, but, try to say one person
I can't
Why not
because I am a make up of several people as seen from your minds eye, I have qualities, real or imaginary that you saw in all of them.
Who are you now?
I suppose I am the willingness to go along with your ranting of Erin, the curiousness of Lora, the intelligence of Lisa, and the bat shit nuts willingness to get dragged into your own psychosis of either Kari or Rose, hard to say, it keeps flipping, depends on what your looking at as to what you will see. Lets walk don the beach and see who shows up.
We walked down he beach and there was a beehive shaped brick structure on the waters edge, it had been there as long as the beach apparently, it was surrounded by the sands and the waters, but within it was dry, safe? And most of all it was clean, not a speck of sand in the entire thing. A man was there doing a mime style display, sans makeup, but also, thankfully, sans voice, he was moving bricks and looking to rebuild the walls.
The wall will not survive without mortar, they need the mortar to stay up
I am sure he in not concerned
But to do so much work for nothing
nothing but the art?
Is laying stones incorrectly art
If that is your choice, I am sure that it is.
Hmmm, I am thinking I would rather have things that are more permanent,.
Suit yourself, I am not the one who is talking to spirits that he cannot possibly talk to in real life because in dreams they acknowledge his existence.
That was low
Very
Please don't do that again
If you will see us I ill make amends
I can't see you because you are always changing'
make us stay still
How am I suppose to make something in my dream world stay still?
Concentrate on one of us, then maybe, you will see.


I think sometimes that dreams are dreams for a reason, they are the things that you refuse to see in the real world, they are there, sure, they are right in front of your fucking face, but in a dream they do not respond to what in consciousness is your mind smacking them back down. They live independent, they are happy there, and you would be happier with them out, sometimes, of course it could also mean that your life is ruined, hard to say.
Maybe thats why they stay dreams.

What was the symbolism of the girl who's face kept changing, was it that I can never make up my mind, or was it that I have let too many things slip through my fingers, afraid of commitment? Oh not me... Terrified would be a more accurate description. Hell I think my ex-wife even popped in there for a minute or nano-seconds as the case may be. The wall that is being build only to fall again at the next storm. Is that my life? Is it that I need some mortar to hold everything together, some stability, something to cushion and connect. I really have no idea, I generally don't analyze my dreams to this extent. Shit, generally I don't even remember this much of them, just for some reason this one has stayed with em, I think that there is a message, somewhere in it, something I either have to do or not do.

I wish I knew.



Well, Back to the dream...

So, you like this beach?
I don't know what difference it makes, its the only one there will be, alligators and all.
Speaking of which, is that one getting kinda close, why don't you get along, I will take care of this.
I punch the alligator, the alligator, unused to being punched in the nose waddles off back to the water.

We (Erin and I) discussed this later, sharks will go away if you punch them in the nose because most of there sensory organs are in their noses and they get disorientated. Alligators are a lot more of the brainless killer types and we determined that they really would not care about being punched, so I do not recommend 'Alligator Punching' to anyone. It seemed to work here though, as in my dream (not being reality) the alligator went away.

Ok, lets go, you still haven't settled on being anyone.
You still haven't settled on my being any one person either, I'll make up my mind when you make up yours.
Your in my mind, you wont have much of a choice.
Seems to be the way that things are, doesn't it.
Seems to be.

We walked up the path away from the beach and I woke up, confused and dreading contact with either alligators or exes. Sometimes I think that they are kind of the same, they both respond by instinct and are entirely untrustworthy. I wish I knew what it meant, I wish I knew why (its not included in the story above because it didn't go anywhere) the person in the dream, even if they were completely unspecific on their identity was very allergic to poison ivy. Maybe that is the link to knowing who it is that they were. Maybe I am suppose to do something. Maybe I am suppose to bury this as deep as possible

Saddlebacking for Jebus

I was recently introduced (not physically, via radio, you sickos) to a new practice among young Christian women who have taken a vow of chastity, saddle backing.  Named for the famous Saddle Back Christian Church, the practice for these girls who are saving themselves for marriage is to instead of just getting it on like the rest of us did they participate in anal sex as an alternative.
That's right you heard me, they take it in the ass to save themselves for marriage.  Wow, now here is a new view of how to save your chastity, on your knees, bitch.  Of course the biggest differences seen so far as a result of these practices are that the fateful stains are further back on the couch cushions, and they seem to be a lot less your girls audibly farting in church.
Of course I then have to start thinking (and we all know that my mind goes where it wills, when it wills, and often against my wills), and I suddenly have a break through.  Gay men are just saving themselves for marriage.  You see, they have been participating in saddle backing all along, trying their darnedest to save themselves for marriage, should it ever become legal.  And now that all of these young girls have laid down the precedent that anal sex is A-OK, I think it is time that we quit with our damnation of them and welcome them into the fold.
I mean really, is it really that bad of a practice if its fine for unmarried Christian girls to do?  Taking one in the kiester for God, why do we have to be such bigots about who is on the recieving end.  Hell, the Catholic church approved it for altar boys long ago.
Alas, I am sure that there are people oput there who will disagree with my interpretation of these events, but to them all I hvae to say is, don't knock it until you try it.  And after all, no one is going to be having any little ass babies, see!  Its safe after all.  Saddle Back Christian Church approived, all the way!
Although if you just want a blow job, I am not sure what the official standing on that is, although once again, the Catholic church approved it for altar boys years ago.

The tooth, remember the tooth!

For those of you who are Dune fans you might remember the reference, has to do with the Duke Altredies and a poinson pack embedded in his tooth so he can kill the Baron Harrkonen.  In my personal case it has to do with a broken wisdom tooth that I am going to be getting rid of later today.

For those of you who don't know I really have no love for the dental arts, possibly a side effect of our piss-poor medical system in Amurika, possibly just that I hate having people pick around in my mouth.

But anyway, I am going to get this damn tooth taken care of today, when all is said and done I expect considerably less jaw pain as there isn't enough room in my jaw for all of these teeth to be there anyway, and then I can quit worrying about it and get on with the rest of my life.

On other tooth news we got the root ripper up and running.  I was originally going to call it the angry walrus, but now that I see what it looks like on the skid-steer I think that the enraged elephant is a more apt description. 

What it consist of are two tusks that go down from the bottom of the scoop arm on the skid steer, you drive forward and drive them into the ground, then there is a top arm that closes like a jaw (or trunk) allowing you to rip small tree roots right out of the ground.  By small I mean trees up to about 2 inches or so around, with tap-roots extending out about fifteen feet.  This thing is really not messing around, but considering that I have been fighting with this damn brush ever since we moved into this house this is going to be awesome!

That and it gives me an excuse to drive a skid steer around the yard, which is always a good thing.  A side effect is that it busts the soil up pretty good as well, so I should be able to get at some of the really good topsoil that is in the edges of the yard.  There is some damn nice black dirt out there, would not mind having it for the parts of the yard I give a poo about.

Well, it is 7 in the morning and I do not have to be to the dentist until 11, I am going to try to get about 2 hours of nap, my tooth quit hurting so maybe I can get some sleep before I go, last night really sucked for that.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Rachel, she brought me some video clips and asked me to edit something together for her.

Rachel was (is) a special person.  You know those people who do not have that rational fear that people have of things like hiking at night across the desert outside of Juarez, Mexico?  You know, Juarez, the murder capital of Mexico, what could possibly go wrong with a pretty blonde Minnesota girl hiking across the desert at night?

Old Kayaking video

I actually made this by strapping my old Canon point and shoot camera into the webbing on the front of the kayak, I then proceeded to kayak along the shore of Lake Superior and bounce off the ice chunks that were floating, and sometimes stuck in the sand.  It was 70 degrees in the air, but that water was fucking cold, I am very glad I didn't end up in it.

Another Reader Gem, from the Evil Jeffy archive, early 2000's.

I can see what the problem that Christians have with Evolution and scientific reasoning is. It is that there is no room for the creation of man from clay, and women from ribs. There is no room for immaculate conception. It uses logic and lays out the path of our creation from little blobs of green goo all the way to the monkeys that we are today. Where is the love?

While, since it seems that there is a lack of room from the science world to make the bible turn out to be 100% true, since we all know that there is never room for any inconsistencies in the bible. I have decided that it must be the duty of none other than Evil Jeff to bring light to this oversight and offer a solution that all of the parties involved can be happy with. Yes, I realize that it is a break from my normal writings to create a solution that people can be happy with, but bear with me.

While, we could say that Mary was a whore and was sleeping around with all of the sheep herders in Bethlehem before she got a quick shotgun marriage to Joseph when she suddenly realized that he monthlies were no longer coming right on schedule, but I do not think that such an explanation would fly. What good bible banging mother of fourteen would ever teach her kids that Mary was a whore? Her whole world would come crashing down around her and her poor emotionally scarred kids who would end up having families of only seven or eight kids. We could not possibly have anything happen to the good religious nut jobs in this world that would lead to sustainability. That would make far too much sense, and I am not about to start going around making sense.

I guess the only solution that we can suggest that wont offend the whole Christian world would be that Mary was a hermaphrodite. Just think, Mary wasn't sleeping around, she was just sleeping, had a boo boo, tab A got inserted into slot B and wallah! Enter Jesus. Now instead of Jesus being not the son of random sheep herders, Jesus is the son of Mary and Mary, kind of like the offspring of a law office with gender identification issues.

But why didn't this end up in the bible as it happened and instead got written down as immaculate conception. Logically speaking people have enough troubles with gender identification issues today, just think of how clueless they were two thousand years ago. If we have millions of people who can't wrap their weak minds around the concept of homosexuality today how would they have handled it then. Actually I think it was handled back then by stoning people to death, or maybe nailing them upside down to a tree. I guess I would have had to be there to know exactly what the procedure to deal with such deviance was.

How would the defense of marriage people respond if it turns out that their savior was the son of an it? Where do hermaphrodites fall within the defense of marriage anyway. Can they marry whatever they feel like? Or can they only marry others who fall into that ac-dc group. I am not sure how all of that would work, and not sure if I want to spend the time figuring it all out.

So, to come back to where I was, Jesus had his sweet mother Mary, and father (also Mary) had to breast feed around the nipple hair, was scarred from the mental image of hairy nipples from the age of 14 on, and that is why you hear nothing about that time of his life.

In reality he was most likely visiting every bathhouse in the holy land looking for something that would bring him back to his 'happy place' but even in the bathhouses there was something missing. When he reached his early thirties he came rushing out of one of the inner closets of one of the bathhouses and declared. “That's it, I'm the son of God!” He ran through the streets being all son of God like, hid some golden tablets in Utah and then pissed of some Romans, got sold to the executioners for thirty silver, and ended up nailed to a tree.

I guess life sucks if you are the son of a first century hermaphrodite. But the point is that this way I have breached the challenge of sneaking the whole immaculate conception thing into the scientific logic that we understand today. I have done it, I have made one of the impossibilities of the bible work! I still have hundreds of thousands of things to work on with this, but give me some time.

Chief Adjudacator, Evil Jeff (from NorthLand Reader writings, early 2000's)

This is from a series of articles I wrote for the Northland Reader back in the early 2000's....

As Evil Jeff of course, this was for the April Fools edition, enjoy.

God is pissed and, although He is far too comfortable on his luxury cloud supported bar-co-lounger ® to come down himself, He has nominated (and being the only vote) declared for there to be a new messiah on the planet Earth. I guess this is where I came in.

Things were just getting too much for Him to handle. I am sorry about continuously referring to God as 'He' but 'He' would not disclose His actual sex. Perhaps God is gay, perhaps God is neutral, maybe God is a hermaphrodite just like the "Virgin" Mary, I just do not know.

But anyway, God decided that things were getting out of hand, and just like back in the bad-ole-days of Egypt, some smiting was in order. These orders would not enforce themselves so there needed to be someone down here on Earth to take care of these tasks. After an extensive period of thought (most likely measured in nanoseconds) God decided who it was that he wanted to be on Earth and lay out his vengeance for him. Enter one Evil Jeff!

He came to me, not in some dream or some LSD induced hallucination making me want to move to South America and open a kool-aid stand. He came to me in what I thought was one of his more traditional forms of communication, the burning bush. I had always visualized the burning bush differently than how it occurred, but I guess it was just my lack of imagination as a six year old, or maybe the bush shall come as the bush shall come. Whatever is the most convenient at the time is the form that gets used. Something like that, I realize that I am droning on, but if it happened to you then you would understand my disturbance.

One night there I am getting jiggy with the girlfriend of the moment. Thinking about how nice everything is in that moment and trying to determine what excuse I would use when I felt the need to get her to leave later when 'POW.' The first thought I had was "wow, the carpet really doesn't match the drapes." Then I realized it was more than the normal changes that were taking place here, the whole room seemed to stop, except me, and this little feminine soul patch of flame. Thoughts raced through my mind, a string of things from "WTF" to "I hope I don't catch that." Suddenly there it was, the voice, the metronome. There was an eerie similarity to the guy who announces the prizes on 'The Price is Right", not Bob Barker, but the voice dude, despite that distraction I was able to keep my concentration on what was being stated as well.

"Evil Jeff, despite the blatant contradiction of having someone with your moniker and reputation work for myself, and doing the deeds that I am about to beseech you to do I have decided that I am going to make you my chief adjudicator for the planet Earth. You will be granted powers over certain things, all of which is explained in this little red book. Also in my little red book is a short list of the most important people who need to be adjudicated against, and a way to get through those lines at the DMV in one-quarter the time."

I was shocked, after all who am I to get these powers? I was stunned and completely distracted. Time returned to normal, and there I was sitting with the girl I was just about to do something with. I was thumbing my way through a little red book, she looked up at me, bitched about what was my problem all of a sudden, got pissed about seeing me sitting there reading a book and stormed out of the house. I guess that did solve one problem as I no longer had to think of an excuse to get her to leave, so I was somewhat appreciative and took the time to actually read the book instead of just skimming it for big words and phrases that looked important.

It was a rather interesting little red book, completely different than the one that Mao had been so fond of handing out. This little red book contained the exact instructions on how to work small miracles and even instigate healthy smiting. As I read further in, I was very impressed to find out that I had been granted medium miracle power. (I could heal a poor woman named Betty in Minot, ND But I would not know of what. There went all of my dreams of ever being on the 700 Club.) And I had the power of plagues up to and including a plague of frogs.

I sat there in my room for a while, first covering the floor with locusts, then having a group of frogs come and eat them and finally sending small lightning bolts to incinerate the frogs where the hopped.
The room started to get the acrid smell of incinerated frog flesh and ozone, and I was getting tired anyway, so I flushed the stale air out of the room with another test miracle and went to bed. I knew that I was going to have a busy day and would need my rest to get everything done that I had on the list in the little red book.

The next day started just like all of the previous days, but unlike the normal Saturday morning, where I would be sluggish and hungover from a hard night of washing down tequila and whiskey shots with some nice mellow gin, I did not have the normal hangover, I actual felt human for a change. I was very confused, but luckily I had the little red book to look to for guidance. I flipped to the back and saw the list of names, he was right, it was a short list. The first name was one of my favorite people, Fred Phelps. It seemed that God wanted me to go to Topeka, Kansas and make Fred Phelps flaming gay. Or more accurately, make him finally admit to being flaming gay. I jumped in my blood red Benz and started down the freeway. It seems that the God had done some monkeying with my car as well for when I jumped on the freeway all of the cars seemed to have stopped, even the clock on the dash had stopped. I hit the accelerator and kept going faster and faster. It was like driving in Grand Theft Auto without the explosions and no wanted level. In no time at all I was standing outside of the compound of one Fred Phelps. It was not until then that I realized just how real all of this really was. It did not take me long to think of what I had to think to make the proper things happen. I did the deed and walked back to the car. I sat there for a while only to suddenly see an old man wearing a gingham dress with a feather boa go prancing across the street singing "I feel so pretty, so pretty and witty, so pretty and witty and GAY!" I felt a warm feeling of accomplishment come over me and looked down to see who was next on the list.

The next name was Dr. James Dobson. The focus on the family guy seems not to have made the happy list in God's eyes. Does God even have eyes? I was being sent to find him where he slithered and make his entire family, and the children of all of the families that followed his misguided advice like it is gospel, sterile. It seems that since they were becoming utterly incapable of accepting people for who they are, they would now become incapable of bring more of themselves into the world. I figured it was an appropriate punishment and thought the thoughts that would make it happen. Although I would not be able to test to see if my treatment of them had worked I guessed I would just have to accept with faith that all good things would work out in the end.

The whole day was full of miracles and plagues. The list continues with Pat Robertson, GW, South Dakota, Rumsfeld, Cheney, and the whole cadre of Scientologists out there. It was all just more of the same except when I came back to my own house after a hard day of vengeance and added a new floor, a couple of nice solar panels and windmills. And decided that the creek needed a complete rework including a small waterfall and a trout pond. Midnight rolled along and my powers were gone but the marks they had left upon the world were permanent. The short list had been punished. Fox news was confused, and the Christian conservatives were in complete turmoil since most of their leaders were running around in dresses with feather boas. Amazed at how free they were now that they were finally in touch with who they really are.

When I awoke the next day I was gratified to find that the miracles and plagues had not turned themselves back and Fox was still showing clips of guys running around in Gingham dresses. By this time the media spin machine had come into effect and it had now been decided that Gingham on hand flapping effeminate men was in vogue. Even Bill O'Reilly was sporting a dress, and that certainly was not something that God had designed for him.

I called the girlfriend ala diem back and apologized, she forgave me completely but not until after Tuesday when I helped her get through the line at the DMV to get her new car titled in three and a half minutes. Even if the majority of my powers were gone I still have a few things I can do. You should see how much money I am saving now that I know how to turn water into wine and can make one bag of groceries feed the entire neighborhood.

Gunderson Harrison Calculus Comprehension Curve (2008)

Gunderson-Harrison Calculus Comprehension Curve

Recent intensive studies on the inability of the human mind to grasp certain concepts in mathematics have brought to the attention of the researchers that there is a simple ingredient that can often be used to soften up the mind, gently allowing a greater understanding of the concepts that have for hundreds of years perplexed the general populace of our world. Although we are pretty sure that this has been tried, and used with great success in the past it seems that no one had ever taken the time to actually evolve past the stage where they were just unconsciously practicing these methods and actually write them out, and put them to use as a real-world strategy and theory. However, in the fall of 2008 two researcher, namely Erin Gunderson and Jeff Harrison, actually took the time, and determined what the proper curves were when it came to the level of understanding of the obtuse calculations in calculus when graphed against consumption of alcohol in a controlled environment.
For the purpose of this study the preferred form of alcohol was Pabst (r) Tall-Boys, a common and readily available American lager which also comes in convenient six pack quantities. These supplies were gathered retail from the Safeway (r) food chain which happened to be a convenient three blocks walk (or stumble depending on if the experiment was on-going) from the researchers home. The environment for the studies was the living room of the house where the researchers happened to be working on the subject of the study which was some nasty college level calculus homework assigned, in this case, by Portland State University, hereafter referred to as PSU.
The determination made by the two researchers was that there was a profound increase in the calculus comprehension made by the individual who was trying to grasp the concept contained therein when the calculus was imbibed with particular quantities of Pabst (r) beer. Further studies over the following weeks began to show startling correspondences with the understanding of calculus versus Pabst (r) consumption, and eventually a graph was able to be created that very closely matched the observed results. Upon further studies of the graph the equation was determined to be a very simple one indeed, as the percentage of calculus that is grasped corresponds, almost exactly to the function, ƒ(x)=100 - 4(x-3)².

This of course corresponds to a graph which is closely approximated by the graph in figure (a). The graph shows how the understanding of calculus, on the Y axis rises from a starting point around 64% until it tops out at 100% after the consumption of three cans of Pabst (r). It is notable that the calculus comprehension starts dropping off rapidly after a consumption of 4 Pabst (r) and seems to hit zero, or even less that zero after the consumption of eight Pabst (r) beers. This is not considered to be an anomaly, however, because previous studies have shown that after the consumption of eight Pabst (r) tall-boys even standing on one foot and counting backwards from ten is a challenge. Certainly it would never be recommended to attempt something as stupid as to drink an excessive amount of Pabst (r) and derive.

Figure A.

Micheal Jackson isn't Dead, he is with Elvis (2009)

I knew that the news was little more than a cover up for the truth, but what did I have for proof? A hunch? That never passes for anything except in old detective stories and if your a Jedi in Star Wars. But I knew that there was something not quite right, and I had to know what it was. I had turned on the news and everywhere on the screen was the same story, Micheal Jackson dead at age fifty. Yeah, he looked like a freak, and had been in hiding for a while. Apparently he had also be working on a new tour by working out with Lou Ferrigno, but that is hardly enough to kill a person. Unless of course he gets angry and does that whole 'Hulk Smash!' thing, amazing how drawn into their roles actors sometimes get.
But I watched the scrolling notes and I started to see more to this story than met the eye. Micheal Jackson had been working out with the Incredible Hulk and suddenly had grabbed his chest, let out a squeaky gasp and then dropped to the floor twitching. The medical personnel had stated that they may have been able to revive him on the spot if it were not for the delay in making the call as everyone present thought he was working out the choreography for a new dance move. But then they tried and tried to revive him (supposedly) and it (supposedly) did not work, he was in a (supposed) coma when he made it to the hospital and then promptly died. Ok, I tossed a lot of 'supposedlies' into that, lets start unraveling this story from the beginning.
Every one remembers when Micheal Jackson married Lisa Marie Presley back in the day. We were horrified, why would the daughter of the King of Rock and Roll marry the freak of pop? Turns out there was a reason. Lisa Marie Presley was a Scientologist, she had been instructed by the elders to reel in the King of Pop at any cost. I am pretty sure that considering that Micheal would have been more interested in the ring bearer at the wedding than the bride it was actually a pretty safe marriage. Eventually even the elders saw that train wreck that they had created to get the King of Pop to become a Scientologist and they allowed Lisa Marie to divorce him and set him up with a wet nurse and hoped that they could keep his freakishness under wraps. They may have been able to keep the lid on the weirdness of Tom Cruise pretty well but MJ was a different story.
Although he was a press nightmare he did produce several children for the continuation of the fight against the Thetans (look up Scientology if you are unsure of Thetans) and he did donate a lot of money to the cause. After many years the Scientologists caught wind that Micheal Jackson was starting to plan a tour to get himself back into the spotlight and re-jump-start his career, this was something that they could not allow to happen.
Having Micheal Jackson as a recluse was just fine by their standards, the further out of the limelight he was the easier things were for them. He did little to embarrass them when no one knew where he was and a way had to be found to make things stay that way. Which brings us back to Lisa Marie.
In early June of this year Lisa Marie was flown out to Los Angeles to have some closed door meetings with Micheal Jackson. Micheal was still all about going through with his come-back, but Lisa Marie had been sent with firm instruction to make sure that this would not happen. She had been given a golden bargaining chip though.
Elvis.
We all have known about the rumors that Elvis is not dead, they have been going around for years and no one believed it for a second. Ok, lots of people believed it but usually for th wrong reasons. The truth is that Elvis really needed to get off the stage and he knew that people would never let him do that as along as he was alive, the Scientologists were a well enough guarded society to allow him to fake his death and go deep enough into hiding to allow him to fall off the planet far more successfully than he could have ever dreamed. Turns out that all of these years Elvis has actually been quite alive, living in a Scientologist temple somewhere in Southern California, who knew?
Well, at first Micheal Jackson was skeptical when Lisa Marie told him that he should fake his own death and go and learn from the King himself, Elvis. I mean, really, Elvis had been dead for 32 years. I wish I had pictures of the meeting when Elvis was shuffled into the room during the talks. Micheal Jackson's face turned white as a ghost, even more white than he had been trying to make it all of these years. Face to face with the king what could he do but agree. The plans were laid, and Lou Ferringo was brought in to create an exercise routine so that a heart attack would be totally believable. Thursday was the culmination of all of these plans, and America bought it. But let me be the first to tell you, Micheal Jackson is not dead, he just went to live with Elvis.

Old Photos, sorting through three years of life with the Canon Eos

I have had my Canon Eos digital SLR for just over three years, although I have not been jamming through nearly as many pictures as of late, I plan on trying to fix that this summer, especially considering this is my first summer off since that summer I bought the camera.  Here is a random folder of random photos from that first year.

I have this thing for stacking rocks, not sure why, just always do it...
 Spiders are so dopey in the spring it is easy to take pictures of them, this guy really isn't that big, maybe half an inch or so.
 The feather on the rock was an interesting color contrast.
 I just liked the color of the rocks in this, the North Shore Volcanics Group in this area is largely basalts, but rhyolites also exist.  This is either contact between the two, or maybe some iron concentration, I would have to look closer at it.
 Looking up the shore past Lester River, there are sea caves in this stretch.
 Guy fishing in the spring run off at Sucker River.
 Knife River where it meets the lake, apparently I had missed the ice out by only a little bit.
 Leaf floating in the Mississippi River near La Crosse, Wi.
 Seagull soaring over Lake Superior.
 Is it a whale in Lake Superior?  I will let you do your own google searches to look that one up.

On a side note, I suppose I should mention this....

All of the stuff on my blog is Copyright Jeff Harrison.  This is (unless otherwise mentioned) my original work and is not to be copied or plagiarized.  If you see something that you want to use or republish my express permission is required, but academic reference of images or text is allowed with proper citation.

If you have questions as to how such a reference should be written I would suggest the son of citation machine.
http://citationmachine.net/index2.php

Jeff Harrison, 2013

Poor Forelorn Rod Raymond.... He smells of Summers Eve for thou are a Douche.



This was a little commentary to Rod and his complaint about the University giving him shit that I wrote but could not get anyone to publish, I wonder why....  Ok, there were a few vulgarities and what-not sprinkled through there...  Teehee....

But anyway, now that he has been formally dismissed from the university I figured it was time to toss this nugget of Jeffy Goodness back out for the world to see....

Oh Rod, we know not of the troubles you have seen.....

            There has been so much information going back and forth on the subject of Rod Raymond and what happened, what was done about it, what should have been done about it, what is true, what is rumor, but has anyone asked what about Rod?
            Shouldn’t we be proud of what Rod has done, the adversity that he has overcome?  The selfless determination that he has shown in the face of the rags to riches, Horatio Alger style melodrama, of having to live among the writhing hordes of inferior humans that Rod’s life has been?
            We should be proud just to have been touched by the amazingness that Rod somehow manages to contain within himself, it should not be surprising that sometimes people may feel that they get affected by his incredible being and purpose on this Earth, you cannot be that important and amazing without a little of it touching those who he is around.
            It is Rod’s fault that under-grads get moist just from the sight of his amazing pectorals?  That even with his incredible powers of self-control, occasionally the aura of his super-sized ego spreads beyond his physical bounds to touch those around him?  That he embodies a level of masculinity that is simply overpowering to the will of anyone around him?  This is just a side effect of our meaningless presence in the shadow of someone as huge as Rod.
            Now Rod is being pilloried in the public sphere, such a cruel justice to happen to someone so huge and so amazing.  Should we not be praising him and his amazingness rather that stringing him up?  What other human can you think of that could contain that amount of power, which amount of self-important mojo, that amount of Rod?
            Maybe we should just look the other way when complaints surface as we all know that they are not caused by the actions of Rod but have to be little more that the jealousy of the little people, and their feeling of inadequacy knowing that they will never be able to live up to the amazing Rodness that Rod is. 
            We should wait for due process to take its course as we know that Rod will be vindicated and all of his wounds redressed.  We should not be emboldened in our arrogance of thinking that we could ever know what it is like to be Rod.  How could we ever really know what occurs in his presence when even Justice would have to shield her eyes in the shining presence of Rod.

June 2012 Duluth Flood

For those of you who missed the fun of the June 2012 flood we had in Duluth I will fill you in on a few details.  We got a warning that we were going to have some very strong thunderstorms which could drop several inches of rain in the Duluth area from the weather service ahead of time so we were luckily able to do some preparation, I was smart enough to move all of my computer stuff out of its normal home in the basement and a few other things, but the amazing part of this event was how long it lasted.  We didn't get a huge storm that flooded the basement and then moved one, we got separate bands of storms that flooded the basement 5 times in one night!   That and the amazing levels that the water got to, far higher than we had ever seen it before, considering that the limiting factor for our water levels is the height of Superior Street, there is little higher that the water could get, under any circumstances.  We ended up getting 10 inches of rain in one night, and there was ~100 million dollars of flood damage in the Duluth area as a result.  It was amazing, to give you an idea of the extent of this storm, I drove to the gas station during one of the early bands before the flooding really kicked in, to get some last minute supplies, I had to dodge a deck floating across the street.

This first picture (and I apologize for the blur, it is very hard to focus when it is raining in absolute sheets) is the driveway, with about 8 inches of water going over the top of it.
This is the basement, you can see my bed to the right, the water is starting to coming in under the sliding glass door, if you look you can see about a foot of water pressed up against the door itself!  We ended up with about an inch and a half of water through this part of the basement, but this is not the lower part of the basement.
The brand new parking lot at Whole Foods Coop the next day, there is not actually a creek here, Brewers creek runs through a culvert through Duluth, or at least it did before this storm hit.  Parts of the retaining wall for the parking lot, along with much of the fill, made it up to four blocks down the hill from the rushing waters.
Another view of the parking lot, wowsers!
Lester River Bridge, I should mention that under normal circumstances you can jump across Lester River at the mouth, and the rocks just to my right are about 8 feet above the water level.
Knife River bridge, with trees jammed into the guard rails.
The debris stuck in the railing of Knife River bridge the next day.
A view of the water rushing under the bridge, it should be mentioned that this was about 8 hours after it had stopped raining so the water had gone down quite a bit.
This is the remnants of the bridge over dribble creek the next day.  Dribble creek is under normal circumstances a dribble, often not even enough to rise above the gravel in its bed.  During the storm it was about 8 feet deep.
The outside of the sliding glass doors shown above the next day, you can see the water marks on the doors showing how high the water actually got against the glass.
Our poor five inch rain gauge, with water all the way to the top.
The mess in the basement, this was the last hurrah of the hot tub, we ended up cutting it out and getting rid of it after the storm.
The water marks on the furnace and water heater.  The furnace survived, with a lot of work.  The water heater did not.

Spring Break, 2013, a Photo Album

For spring break this year I went with a group of fellow Geology students down to the South West, Arizona and New Mexico to be specific.  If you can imagine 10 people crammed in the turtle van (think airport shuttle) and then driving non-stop 24 hours from Minnesota to New Mexico, romping around and looking at rocks for a few days and then driving 24 hours back, over 8 days with no showers you have a general idea of what this trip entailed.

It also came with the memorable catchphrase, a Dingo ate my Backpack.

But enough of the intro, lets get to the pictures.

These first three are for when we first got to stop in New Mexico, we had some time to kill so we stopped on a side street in some small town and tossed a Nerf football around,considering that we had been driving for the previous 24 hours it felt good to stretch our legs and get some air.  Not to mention although it was not tropical, the temperature was around 60 degrees, which seems tropical compared to a Minnesota winter.  The people in the pictures are Brian and Alli.


 This is a random building I shot from inside the Turtle Van, you don't see a lot of the religious iconography when you live in the far upper Midwest.
 Cactus!  This little guy was on a little hillside in Santa Fe where we stopped while figuring out where to meet with the professor.
 Alli is trying to stab Jimbo, I am pretty sure he had it coming.  No animals, or even Jimbos were harmed in the making of these photos.

 This is a crack in a relatively recent ~1000ya basalt flow along the side of I-40 in New Mexico.
 It was very windy when we got to Petrified Forest, as Espree is figuring out.
 Matt just felt like being photogenic, I guess....
 A pile of petrified wood in a little wash in petrified forest, the wood is from ~220my old conifers that were buried and then had mineral replacement replacing the carbon with silica allowing them to be preserved and actually look like wood after all was said and done.
 Driving through the valley while on the way to Sedona for the night.
 As we were driving into Sedona the sun was setting making for some amazing vistas.
 Near Jerome, Arizona, climbing through a barbed wire fence on our way to go look at some formations down in a valley.
 Larger clastics in turbidite deposits down in the valley beyond the above mentioned barbed wire fence.
 layered turbidite deposits down in the valley.
 Down in Grand Canyon, looking at the sandstone bedding.
 Kate shows us the scale of the eolian sandstone cross-bedding in the walls of the Grand Canyon.
 Alli approves, and thankfully is not being blown off the edge of this rock as it was a long ways down.
 Dinosaur tracks, this is up towards the Navajo reservation in North-East Arizona.
 Two rather sad looking couches dumped, but apparently still used in the middle of nowhere, Arizona.
 This is actually the top of an ultra-potassic sill near the above mentioned couches, but this tree has had a rough life, but still hanging on.
 Matt being photogenic as usual, while also taking pictures.
 Ship Rock in New Mexico, from a distance.
 Ship Rock has several radiating dikes that extend out from the central pipe, this is looking along one of the dikes towards the promontory of Ship Rock.
 Ship Rock, and the shadow of the dike.
 Some impressively incoherent graffiti, I think Cullen was trying to translate.
 Matt, you ultra-photogenic bastard.
 This is actually about a dozen separate photos of a the side of Ship Rock all stitched together to make one huge image, my personal favorite.
That was an interesting trip, I may write, or publish more about it at some point, but since this is the first day on the new blog I am going to try to get some more varied content up.