Gunderson-Harrison Calculus Comprehension Curve

Recent
intensive studies on the inability of the human mind to grasp certain
concepts in mathematics have brought to the attention of the researchers
that there is a simple ingredient that can often be used to soften up
the mind, gently allowing a greater understanding of the concepts that
have for hundreds of years perplexed the general populace of our world.
Although we are pretty sure that this has been tried, and used with
great success in the past it seems that no one had ever taken the time
to actually evolve past the stage where they were just unconsciously
practicing these methods and actually write them out, and put them to
use as a real-world strategy and theory. However, in the fall of 2008
two researcher, namely Erin Gunderson and Jeff Harrison, actually took
the time, and determined what the proper curves were when it came to the
level of understanding of the obtuse calculations in calculus when
graphed against consumption of alcohol in a controlled environment.

For the purpose of this study the preferred form of alcohol was Pabst
(r) Tall-Boys, a common and readily available American lager which also
comes in convenient six pack quantities. These supplies were gathered
retail from the Safeway (r) food chain which happened to be a convenient
three blocks walk (or stumble depending on if the experiment was
on-going) from the researchers home. The environment for the studies
was the living room of the house where the researchers happened to be
working on the subject of the study which was some nasty college level
calculus homework assigned, in this case, by Portland State University,
hereafter referred to as PSU.

The determination made by the two
researchers was that there was a profound increase in the calculus
comprehension made by the individual who was trying to grasp the concept
contained therein when the calculus was imbibed with particular
quantities of Pabst (r) beer. Further studies over the following weeks
began to show startling correspondences with the understanding of
calculus versus Pabst (r) consumption, and eventually a graph was able
to be created that very closely matched the observed results. Upon
further studies of the graph the equation was determined to be a very
simple one indeed, as the percentage of calculus that is grasped
corresponds, almost exactly to the function, ƒ(x)=100 - 4(x-3)².

This of course corresponds to a graph which is closely approximated by
the graph in figure (a). The graph shows how the understanding of
calculus, on the Y axis rises from a starting point around 64% until it
tops out at 100% after the consumption of three cans of Pabst (r). It
is notable that the calculus comprehension starts dropping off rapidly
after a consumption of 4 Pabst (r) and seems to hit zero, or even less
that zero after the consumption of eight Pabst (r) beers. This is not
considered to be an anomaly, however, because previous studies have
shown that after the consumption of eight Pabst (r) tall-boys even
standing on one foot and counting backwards from ten is a challenge.
Certainly it would never be recommended to attempt something as stupid
as to drink an excessive amount of Pabst (r) and derive.

Figure A.

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