For the first time in a long time I am really and completely alone. Being alone is good. It allows time for real introspection. I have spent every day and every night surrounded by people lately. It is good to know that I have people that care about me that I can lean on when I need to but now I need to get me back. It is strange to go home to an empty house. It is strange to not hook in to a video game and become numb. It is good to be away from the city lights, the constant distractions. It lets me think.
Why do people stay in situations that aren’t good for them?
Because change is difficult.
Because they’re comfortable.
And because there is (almost) always a good side too.
I just got out of a relationship. There was actually a lot of good in that relationship. I was given the freedom to explore my own interests. I was treated well. I was given support when I needed it. But somewhere along the way he lost himself. To be with me he cut himself off from everyone and everything he knew. He didn’t branch out. His life was based around me. I took care of him as long as I could but I couldn’t risk losing myself too.
The truth is I have lost some of myself. Being alone is harder now. I am not used to the empty house, the lack of sounds. No one to bounce ideas off of. No one to touch even in the simple every day ways. I need to get back what I lost. It is easier this week with a house to myself. Hopefully soon I will have my own place to go to all the time. To get away from people. I have spent the last couple of weeks rediscovering old friendships that I let slip away and forging new ones. But now I need to spend time rediscovering me and becoming comfortable with just myself.