Thursday, November 26, 2015

Zen and the Art of Squirrel, someone is acting like a turkey.

I enjoy time to myself.  This can even be in the presence of other people, it is just a matter of being able to let my mind wander and shut off all of the inputs that people usually use.

Sometimes people find this a bit disturbing, especially when they wander between wherever it appears I am looking and my eyeballs.  Sometimes they even respond like I am staring at them.  The reality is that I am not even processing the visual aspect mentally.  I am seeing things, but I am completely ignoring them and instead paging through the flipbook in my mind.  Paging back and forth between thought images trying to do some kind of processing, likely at a level that I cannot translate from the image pages to words very well.

I spend a lot of time in my mind playing with the image pages.  It may look like I am looking at whatever is in front of me but if you see m looking straight at what would normally be nothing, especially if my fingers are flipping back and forth, or my leg is tapping, I am really not looking at anything in the real world.  I am strictly working in my mind.

And you have no idea what I am working on!  The reality is usually rather boring, I may be trying to work out some aspect of space-time, pondering how to build something in Minecraft.  I may be thinking of a better way to build a mousetrap.

I could be looking through the photo albums on my computer, because I have a partial photographic memory of what is in there and I do not have to have the computer in front of me to be looking through the albums on the computer.

Thankfully I even have photo albums that are long lost partially stored in this manner.  Nothing is really lost forever, just harder to access.

I go out and I take a lot of pictures, it could take hours to import everything into a program like lightroom and sort through them in the traditional sense.  Instead I do it in my mind and I can prepare what pictures I am going to work with long before I ever bother to look at actually opening a program.

Of course this is sometimes a bit exhausting and I can tire myself out without lifting a finger.  Do you have any idea how much energy it takes to power a human brain?  Compared to electronics it seems like almost no power consumption, but the human brain consumed about 20% of our RMR (Resting metabolic rate).  This is about 260 calories a day, which means that our brain is humming along at about 12.6 watts.  My laptop is using around 40 or 50 watts according to the power box, but I have to guess that is an average consumption and during intensive processing it dives into the battery a little bit.

I would love to look at the amount of processing my brain is doing at any given time.  The daily activities of a human being are very interesting and different ones require differing amounts and kinds of thought.

Driving a car requires certain aspects to be functioning.  Painting, writing, typing, working, flipping through the paged images in my mind.  I wonder what kind of power consumption that produces.  Maybe I am jumping all the way from 12.6 to 13 watts!

I have never been good with peers.  When I was a kid I dealt almost exclusively with adults because I could use the words that I had with them and they could make sense of it.  When I got older I largely skipped pas several developmental steps and skimmed around them.  In retrospect I think that they would have been useful but I was too busy being my own little odd duck to pay attention to what I was missing.

That and I really didn’t care.  I had better things to worry about than social development.

Years later I took a class on interpersonal relationships and it is sickening how much time and consideration neurotypical people spend dealing with relationships.  The professor really did not understand that I had no interest in other people and would much rather die cold and alone that have to deal with interpersonal relationships. 

Interpersonal relationships are messy and confusing.  I offend people on a rather regular basis.  The people around me just have to deal with it.

I have tried in the past to understand how these things work.  I usually shortly give up because people are illogical.

It turns out people don’t like it when you tell them what they are thinking in terms of farm animals.  Sorry, it is often an apt reference that all of us have enough understanding of to make use of.

Ok, it is supposedly going to be dinner time, this means that there is going to be a turkey upstairs somewhere and I should likely make moves out of the basement and be social.  As social as I can, which means I guess I have to leave the farm animal references to a minimum.


No comments:

Post a Comment