Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Selfishness

For the last two months I have been selfish. I threw out the person who made me feel like a caretaker. I have been doing what I want when I want to do it. I have been spending time with people who make me happy instead of worrying so much about making them happy. I have had people ask me for support and help and I have given it freely and happily but overall I have taken more than I have given. My friends have really been there for me and supported me when I was at my lowest and trying to get used to living life alone.

There are times when I have acted in ways that drained people too much or used them or made them do things they were not comfortable with. I apologized to those people and tried my best to remedy those situations. Relying on other people instead of being relied upon is not something I am used to. As I get better I am spending more time with me. I am only responsible for my own happiness. No one else is. And I am not in charge of anyone else's. I guess prioritizing my own happiness above anyone else's probably counts as selfishness. But I guess I am okay with that. As long as I am not having a negative impact on anyone else I am perfectly okay being selfish.

2 comments:

  1. And besides taking care of myself first makes me more capable of taking care of others in the long run.

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    1. I've had a similar experience in the past 6 months, as much as I've tried to ignore it.

      As I've articulated in my posts, I've traversed across country in pursuit of my dreams. I know I've never depended as much on my friends as they've depended upon me. In such times, those people really have shown their metal, metaphorically.

      You're completely correct in that taking care of yourself is the only way you're more capable of giving help to others.

      It's came as a shock to many of my friends when I have had to turn them away when asking for financial or emotional help. I politely describe my own situation of being homeless and single when they ask for a few bucks or relationship advice.

      It's a strange twist of fate when I have to be selfish; When I NEED to be selfish.

      I'm reminded of a story of a generous bricklayer who gives away his masonry to those he loves only to find himself without the materials to build himself the home he has worked so hard for...

      Along the same lines, it's important to keep stock of yourself and what makes you to be able to provide that safe haven to those which whom you cherish in their times of need.

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