Friday, January 29, 2016

The ultimate conspiracy theory

I have been listening to people try to tell me about how that Kenyan Muslim Obama is going to destroy America for so long that I am starting to wonder.

Shouldn't the entire state of Texas have been stripped of their guns in Walmarts converted to Fema Camps during the Jade 15 operation and then mandatorily sterilized at radical Planned Parenthood Clinics with the HPV Vaccine as part of the Homosexual Agenda where as Obama institutes Sharia Law and runs for a Third Term?

It sounds really stupid when you run all of the theories into one sentence, and yet people still believe them individually...

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

So much exercise...

I have been skiing, snowshoeing, hiking, and on mondays, bowling.

Like a mad fool!

I have not decided what the ultimate goal of all of this is, but I think it has a positive end.  I am waiting for summer, although I may decide to head west in the summer.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Trying to reinvent a wheel of dead horses...

Every once in a while I get one of those jobs at work that makes you go "oh hell, are you shitting me?"

I can it normal, but meh...

Todays job:

Setup an old Jet Direct (with unknown configuration) onto the network connected to a dot-matrix Okidata 390 plus printer.

Force Windows 7 to accualy find drivers for this thing...

Since the improved driver files do not allow you to customize page size for tractor printing, manually force the printer to believe that a "Letter" size page is 3.5" wide and 1" high...

Get all of the files off of a computer with no net access onto other computers where they have no drive sizes in common with one another.

Have it done before anyone needs to actually print anything....

Yep, a normal Monday.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Propriatary

Like any of my socially awkward friends, I have been a technical guru for most of my days. I started out with a mostly reliable relic, the 8086, monochome EGA, with a dual floppy drive, 16 mb ram, 420 mb "BigFoot" hard drive, and a 14.4 kilobaud cradle rocker modem. I started with using DOS 2.2, with simple command scripting. There wasn't any "Mouse". There weren't any speakers, unless you count the ones used by the modem and the corded house phone that was set upon a screeching box. My parents had only the one 'house phone', and I would tie up the line for several hours, just trying to find one person who was also using their computer, which I would dial directly.

Try to relate this to anyone younger than 30 and they'll look at you like you were born in a third world country.

The nature of electronics has evolved quickly, like anyone who hasn't been living in a cave for 30 years will tell you. What used to be the size of a shoe box would store the equivalent of one high definition, 22 minute television show by todays standards.

Yesterday, I purchased my first 128gb Micro-SD card. It's a microchip smaller than my pinky nail which holds over 250 times the information of my first shoebox sized hard drive, which would click, clunk, and strain to retrieve information.

The evolution of our technology has certainly come a long way, shouldering out things like network television, radio, and the printed press, who, for the last 100 years, have been using their mediums to inform people about products which they wish to sell. Fascism and Capitalism at its shining moments.

Over the past few years, a particular friend has sent me ads from between the turn of the Twentieth Century till the 1980's, showing off blatant racisim, sexism, ignorance of medical and scientific facts, all for the sake of a chuckle. "At least she didn't burn the beer?"

About the same time frame, I became more and more aware over how my entire life, I've been harassed at every turn with adverts. Constantly, I'm barraged with companies attempting to convince me that I "need" their product. That they would really like my email address, mailing address, cell phone number to offer me future deals. This headless hydra comes in so many forms, from companies pre-packaging software on their cell phones, computers, tablets, to every web page tracking my marketing preferences, how often I visit their site, which products I browse or purchase, and even which products I use to view their products.

Advertising has such a broad spectrum, and millions are spent and generated in marketing. Even the web page which you are viewing has ads, weather you block them with software or not, as well as the space having metrics to allow us to publish it for free.

About 5 years ago, around the same time that I started getting old-timey ads from my friend, I stopped watching television entirely, in the most traditional of senses. I became completely irritated with both how stupid the advertisements were, but another layer of irritation is that I was paying for the cable service. I was paying the cable company, like everyone does, to send me commercials to buy things which I have no use for.

The most common theme was "You'll get 'extra laid' by someone much more attractive if you buy this and use it on a regular basis." I counted, in 1 hour of regular prime-time programming, there were 51 minutes of 'Show', (admittedly, 3 of which were eaten up by opening and ending credits), and 16 commercial advertisements, (none of which were products I'll ever use or purchase for myself or another), ranging from heavily processed, overpriced foods, new car commercials, and two to watch other programming on the channel which I never watch. I began to become ill, simply from marketing.

"Why am I paying for this?" became my thought.

I canceled my package, and not without a fight from the cable company. They simply said that it was too much of a hassle to 'unbundle' my package from my internet, so they offered me a reduced price for my package.

"Hey...  No, listen to me, and what I'm saying, PLEASE. Turn it OFF."

As it turns out, as a little known fact, when you get cable Internet, the cable line is still open for television, which the cable company has to pay a service technician to come out and put a filter on to block the signal.  The cable company doesn't want to pay for it, of course.

Recently as 3 years ago, most cable service providers switched to using a newer method of transmission, using a digital signal over the cable lines, instead of the half-analogous transmission type most televisions have been built to use.

Proprietary.

It eliminates the need for a service installer to equip line filters, as the signal is already needing a box, which has a mac-address, to prevent unauthorized users from paying the cable guy a few extra bucks for HBO and Showtime.

So, instead of paying for shows by the money given to the cable companies by advertisers commercials, we also pay the cable companies for infrastructure, which is already outdated, renting equipment, which, by the 6th month of the cost of renting, has already paid for.

In many areas, cable and 'home phone' providers have a monopoly, despite the decomissioning of corporate monopolies like "Ma Bell".

Proprietary.


Lately, I've been looking for a new phone, and for will of my want, I always browse all of the current electronics in most stores, pricing value of the hardware, software, against user generated reviews, and came to some already known facts.  People are pretty stupid, generally. I looked at the Samsung, Lenovo, Apple, Windows, Sony, .... All of the major players in the portable electronics world, and browsed their stock, and while doing it, I read about each product in developer and "hacker" forums. Increasingly, the trends towards each manufacturer have made their products "UN-modifiable", using encrypted boot partitions, "Knox", "OEM licensing", as well as moving from traditional BIOS, which is backwards ("Legacy") compatible, to UFI, which is not, and essentially locks an Original Equipment Manufacturer's intellectual property to a device.

What's worse, is that in the most major players in the hardware development arena also load their devices with 'bloatware', essentially useless applications which people have no use for, and the manufacturers say that 'oh, you will...'

In this bloatware, it contains ads from partners, content sponsors, or people who feed into this nonsense that a product needs to be advertised and wouldn't have a genuine market without it.

In the converse, marijuana has NEVER needed a salesman. Lip balm has NEVER needed a sign, nor has Q-Tips, Band-Aid brand medical adhesive strips... These things pretty much sell themselves. They have no actual physical addiction effects, but they have a 'comfort' and psychological dependence. These types of products pretty much sell themselves.

What genuinely bothers me the most is that people accept it as 'status quo'.

Slavery was once 'a thing'...  for like 200 years. It was certainly 'status quo' to own another human being, much how in the same ways 'arranged marriages', 'blood-letting', and 'The World is 6,000 years old' have been.

What also bothers me is the point of intellectual property rights held by commercial corporate entities, which, through some pretty stupid legislation, have argued that 'corporations are people'. I completely agree with individual people who create truly original ideas should be monetarily compensated for offering radical new perspectives and advances in math, sciences, technology, as well as art. What I completely disagree with is intellectual property rights for corporations, especially if they intend to profit from research and development, to use that development to fund research and developments into further Oroboros style (a snake eating it's own tail) to dominate a market, with little to no ethics.

Proprietary.







Thursday, January 21, 2016

Lets have a conversation about atmosphere (Planet Nine)

OK, Planet Nine, pretty damn cool, OK actually pretty damn cold.

I redid my calculations and at 300 AU you will receive a paltry 33 millewatts/M2 of energy from the sun.  It its orbit extends out to 60 AU that number drops to 8 mw/M2.

I emit more energy than that through my skin, I mean this is almost nothing.

This does make for some very strange possibilities, but I am having trouble finding data on what the energy flux coming from outer space actually adds up to.  It is enough to overcome the solar wind emanating from the sun at that range so it is possible that there is more energy coming from elsewhere in the universe than there is coming from the sun at 300AU.

Even the closest star to Nine would still be 50,000 times as far away as the sun, but there are billions of them!  And some of them are sending out a lot of energy.

But about atmosphere, yesterday I made a quick conjecture on what the atmosphere may contain, I did some more thought on this today while I was at work (don't tell the boss).

H2  Likely most of the atmosphere, stays a gas until it gets really cold.
He Likely most of the rest of the atmosphere, stays gaseous until almost absolute zero.
O2 Not likely, if any happened to fall into the atmosphere it would react with other chemicals there.
C2N2 Nasty, stinky, stuff, possible, but most likely in the ice around the core.
H2O Good old water.  There is likely a decent amount of this, as Ice XI, a fun form not found on Earth.
CH4 Methane, the greenhouse gas.  If it is warm enough it would be in the atmosphere giving the planet a blueish tint, if not lakes or ice.
N2 Nitrogen is right on the edge here, may be a gas, may be a liquid, may e falling as snow.  I am guessing that nitrogen snow would end up being little orthorhombic 3d flakes...
NH3 Ammonia, likely as a solid.
CO2 Only as a solid
CO =, good old Carbon Monoxide, actually possible as a liquid if it is warm enough....  Otherwise as a solid.

Amino Acids from space?  There have been some suggestions that space is chocked full of the basic building blocks of nature. If they find this thing and it has a distinct reddish tint I am going to use that as an excuse, but I am guessing that there is going to be an atmosphere, there are going to be moons, and enough tidal heating to keep some of the methane in the form of a gas.

This brings up the other issue.  Without a moon, and without tidal heating if this thing is just a rock with 10 times the mass of earth and no atmosphere it could be small....  Really small, like twice the radius of the Earth small, no atmosphere to hold in heat would make it the same temperature as the interstellar medium.  And it could just be a black rock at the edge of space.  In which case I suggest we call it Miranda.



Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Planet Nine, some thoughts on observation.

Let us think a little bit about planet nine and the observation there of, a few back of the envelope observations...

Neptune, which should have a radius about twice as large, had a visual magnitude of about 8 (invisible to the naked eye, but can be found with a small telescope).

Planet nine which should theoretically be about half as large would reflect 1/4th the light of Neptune, if it were at the same distance, unfortunately it is ten times as far out.

It is all of those 10's that make this a difficult hunt...

10 times as far out means that the amount of light reflected is going to be 1/100th as much....

But 10 times as far out also means that it will be getting 1/100th as much light from the sun...

This means that the amount of light coming from Planet Nine would be 1/4th times 1/100th times 1/100th as dim as Neptune...

or 1/40,000th as bright.

Starting with the magnitude 8 of Neptune we would end up with a apparent magnitude around 19.5!

An object with that kind of a magnitude would not be impossible to resolve from Earth, but extremely difficult.

Now we have the next problem, at that magnitude there is a whole lot of stuff no matter what direction in the sky you look in, the name planet comes from "wanderer" because the planets wander across the "fixed" stars in the sky, but the orbital motion across the sky of an object at this distance and with an orbit of 10,000+ years would mean that the motion across the fixed sky over a short observation time would be very, very small.

Once again, not impossible to find, but still, very small.

The next caveat is of course we have no idea what the surface is like.  If it is ice and gets beat up on a geologically frequent basis then we have a possibility that it reflects light in a reasonable fashion.  Of course, it may also be a soup of frozen hydrocarbons and be as black as coal.

It has been seen previously that some of the objects floating out there past Neptune are not the whitest objects in the solar system, if we are lucky though it is possible that an object of this mass wold be able to maintain an atmosphere, and if we are really lucky that atmosphere would contain clouds of a gas that has some reflective properties...

The caveats keep stacking up though.

What we need are some more clues as to where to look, because the best way to find a needle in a haystack is to first burn the haystack.

This planet is being proposed because it has an ability to perturb the orbits of other small (planetoid) objects in the Kuiper belt.

The Kuiper belt is home to more that just planetoid sized objects, there are also occasional reasonably sized ice balls chucked towards the sun from this range affectionately known as comets.

A lot of the comets that we see are old fogies that have been kicking around the inner solar system from some time and have been getting tossed around by the gravities of the inner planets (I'm look at you Jupiter).  Occasionally we get an oddball though, like Catalina that is currently streaming on it was out after a one way trip through the inner solar system.

If there is a large object floating out at the edge of the solar system it could be effecting the orbits of objects and directing them off into new orbits, if you could find a pattern of where these perturbations took place, like if the orbits of "one and done" comets seem to fall along a track across the sky perhaps you can get some more clues as to the movement of a massive object out in the area where Planet Nine is hypothesized to be floating.

If someone was kind enough o offer me an opportunity to attend a grad school I would learn the orbital mechanics and start figuring out the tracks of the long list of observed "one and done" comets that have streamed through the inner solar system since we have been making reliable observations.

Hint hint...

OK, I am not done yet, I had some horrific allergies earlier and as a result took a long afternoon nap and I am no where near tired yet.

The part of the "Solar system" where Planet Nine would be orbiting would be on the backside of the Heliopause.  This means that it would be kick around out in the interstellar medium, and not in the portion of the solar system that is supplied with volatile compounds from the sun, and the solar wind blowing materials off of the other planets.  This could mean two things.  The first of which is that the region in which it is inhabited contains a different mix of compounds that would be raining down into its atmosphere, and likely due to the low temperatures, actually able to stay there.  Things like Hydrogen and Helium would likely make up the majority of the atmosphere while the lower part would be a soup of ammonias, ices (likely some of the odd forms of ice that are only stable under low temperatures and higher pressures, methane, and the like.  The other side of this card is that since it is kicking around outside of the heliopause it would not have the protection of the sun when it comes to solar wind bursts coming from other stars, this would result in its atmosphere having a greater possibility of being stripped on occasion.

Of course it is also possible that when this stripping occurs much of the material is not blow all that far away and still remains within what would likely be a considerable gravity well formed by this object, especially considering that there is not a heck of a lot of other competition from materials by massive objects in that range.  So if the planet is occasionally stripped of materials it could then form a nice ring system for a period of time, not sure on the stability of such a ring system, but if it did occur and it was aligned correctly (which, odds are, it wouldn't be), it would make the planet a much better target.

Maybe some of the observations of Voyager in the coming years will give us some more clues about the region in which Planet Nine is inhabiting, and then we can make some more reasonable predictions, but here is my prediction, just pulling this out of Uranus... (sorry)

Rocky core covered with ices and mixed with a soup of hydrocarbons.  This is covered over with a liquid layer composed largely of light hydrocarbons.  The atmosphere would be largely hydrogen and helium, with clouds of methane as the low surface temperature would dictate that these would be most of what would be available.

Atmospheric composition should be closer to the Interstellar medium, with about 70% hydrogen, 28% helium and the rest methane and others (nitrogen).  This would mean that if you were to observe it it would likely be a faint blue color.  The blue coming from the portion of the methane that would be present and visible in the atmosphere, with the rest being largely transparent.

If we were lucky the lower surface, which unlike the gas giants, may still be visible with much of the atmosphere being tansparent, would be covered by ices that reflect whitish and not longer hydrocarbons where the lower surface would be like asphalt.

On a side note, I am going to just keep adding to this until it gets to the point where I have enough information to make another blog out of this.  If I start trying to figure out the orbita parameters of comets that will get chucked into another blog.


Sunday, January 17, 2016

Writing are hards

Writing has never come easy to me...  It's an acquired skill, much like shooting pool, playing chess, or playing sports.

Many years, as a child and adolescent, I failed many writing classes, namely those which required me to be 'creative' in an instant.  Mostly why I became frustrated, was because I would frequently write from third person, to first person points of view, besides not being able to understand the difference between nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs, or what's considered proper sentence structure.

I started reading at a very young age, between 4 and 5 years old, and by the start of kindergarten, I was able to read the newspaper to the adults, usually circled around a kitchen table after attending religious services. Most were amazed at my ability to both read and understand complex topics like "The Oil Crisis", the death of popular social figures, political controversy, and other topics covered by the local news outlets. Occasionally, they would help with pronunciation of four and five syllable words, but mostly I was left to reading to them.

As I entered grade school, I was always confused with certain sentences or phrases like "common sense", which were as juxtaposed as "just cause".

English are hard.

I frequently failed all of my grammar, writing and "English" classes, which left me frustrated.  At first, I doubled my efforts. I began reading classic books like Shakespeare, Catch-22, and current magazines trying to comprehend them, and adapt their writing styles...  In the fourth grade.  Advanced reading for a ten year old? Sure.  Except, it didn't help.

Entering into the 7th grade, I was given the task of writing a submission for a local school circulated rag newspaper.  I wrote two submissions, which, in my opinion were some of the best writing I've done.  The first was a simple fictional story about a young man who graduated from high school and was involved in a drinking and driving accident, leaving him unable to move anything below his neck, and the struggles he faced to re-enter the workplace in attempt to justify his altered existence. The second submission was a story about an adolescent girl who went on her first fly fishing trip with her father and caught a rainbow brook trout.

Since I had two submissions, and a classmate simply didn't do his homework, I offered my second submission to him out of the promise of a 'forever friendship'.  Several weeks went by, and the rag was published. The morning the publication came out, before it was introduced to the class, the teacher made an announcement that only one student's submission made it into the rag.

My friend, the one who I gave the submission to, was called to the front of the class and was asked to read the newspaper, "his" submission to everyone. He clumsily stumbled through the story, getting hung up on words he couldn't pronounce.  It was painful, for me.  It was painful to watch someone take credit for something I gave away. Kids in class sat in awe, listening to him, a far more popular kid, the class president, read a story which I had written.

After a round of applause for him, I approached the teacher to use the bathroom.  I walked, hollow, down the humidity warped hallways of our old school to the poorly heated bathroom where I fell to my knees and simply wept.  I wept for my lack of popularity. I wept for my lack of recognition. I wept for my lack of understanding. To me, the first story I had written was clearly better, more artistic and with far more moral value.  Upon returning to class, I asked to speak to the teacher in the hallway. Reluctantly, (so used to my bullshit, by the 4th month of class), I asked her in private about my submission, the story about the Drinking and Driving...

"It was too dark.  It was full of spite, regret, remorse, and didn't send a positive message. I didn't even submit it to the paper."

Adding insult to injury...

The rest of that year, as well as the two years that followed, I refused to do any type of 'homework' and received several 'incomplete' 's.  This is a repeating trend in my life. Whenever I am hurt, I simply either try to remove the object which causes me pain, even to spite myself, or I overload the pain into it being pleasurable.

After taking summer classes and night school classes to catch up with my missing credits, with admittedly poor scores, I still didn't stop writing. Instead, I turned further inward, writing into diarys, journals, and countless notebooks, mostly writing poetry and private thoughts about the world surrounding me.

I take a rather BDSM aspect towards my life. "Hit me again!!! I'm starting to fucking like it!"  I welcome painful lessons, if only to learn from them. I've taken a very rough road throughout my life, one which few survive from, and even fewer are willing to articulate or laugh about.

I was...  Ok, I still "am" surprised Evil Jeff has asked me to write my adventures and thoughts for his blog, like I'm some sort of amusing authority on introspect and opinion.

I've been told by nearly every friend that I deserve to write my lifes experiences, however, besides not finding them personally interesting to myself, its also very painful to remember many of those tough lessons which I've learned.  There's also a fair amount of illegal activity that would divulge personal information of people whom I'm sure would never give me permission to write about.  I've thought about changing the names and places to protect the people whom I would like to write about, but besides being confusing to myself, it wouldn't be difficult for law enforcement officials to place the times and events...  Even if the statute of limitations have expired on some of the experiences, I don't want to challenge the legal system further, as I've already had enough experiences with the Department of Corrections for a few lifetimes.

"Knowledge is Power"...  Sometimes, knowledge seems crippling.

I can only imagine how Darwin felt while writing his papers and theories of evolution...  Challenging a widely and commonly held belief that the world was only 6,500 years old. To know some of the most prominent truths of our generation to be ignored, ridiculed, dismissed and diminished.  He must have had testicles five times that of any mortal...

The same could be said about anyone in his caliber... Di Vinci, Aristotle, Jung, Tesla, ....  Gifted yet misunderstood.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

It's always been about the squirrels.

It has been an interesting night, interesting in that running into unexpected people kind of way, flashbacks to the past.  I am not afraid of my past, even though parts of it do still haunt parts of my being.  I generally ignore those feelings and they go away on their own.
My life has been, for many years, the frustrating abyss of a slow death, interspersed by moments of excitement.  When I say slow death, I do not mean that there is any intentional march in that direction, just that life dictates that it requires both a beginning and an end, since I happen to have the curse of longevity, it is a very slow march.
Longevity would not be bad if it were not for the harrowing effects of aging.  The parts don't work the way you want them to anymore.  My knee is screaming at me right now about my activity level yesterday.  It is tired and does not want to have to walk, hike, ski,  etc anymore.  These are the things that make me happy, I want to be active, without being active, what is there?
Squirrels have a simple life, they collect food, avoid predators,  eat, screw, die.  I wish that I could have that kind of life.
I would love to grow food, live off of the land, trade services with neighbors.
I read the book Anathem recently, the characters in the book started off in a Math, which, in that world was a secular enclosure where they hid themselves away from the world, much in the manner of monasteries in our world.  The difference being that instead of spending all of their time worshiping at the altar of some sky daddy, they studied.
Some of the things that they studied were so far off into the world of science that most of us would find them far to confusing to comprehend, but with study.
The thing is that the Math allowed them to close the doors to the distractions of the outside world and learn.
Learning and study for the purpose of learning and study.
Thick walls make quiet neighbors.
During the summer months they worked,  like the squirrel, to build up enough food to make it through the winter, but during the winter months it was about education.
Learning, lifelong learning.
Sounds perfect for me.

Lost Diaries of Kylo Ren

From the lost diaries of Kylo Ren:

I know that many people are going to question what it was that brought me to the dark side of the force, but for the most part it was all in one incident.  I have never spoken to anyone about this, and I never will.

These are the secrets and the hatred that I hold inside of me, this is why I am never going to be able to forgive my parents, Han Solo and Princess Leia. 

I had started my training to be the beginning of the next generation of Jedi knights.  It was going well, and my force powers were beginning to show in ways that surprised even my teacher, Uncle Luke.

At this point Luke had already started down the path of exile from society.  People cold still find him if they wanted to, but he was retreating already.  It had only been a few years since the final victory over the chancellor, and you would think that unity would be the word of the time, but instead, the sides were already retreating.

We were training on the world of Dagoba, I know that this place was very formative in the development of Luke into the Jedi that he became, but it did nothing for me, just swamps, swamps, and more swamps.

One day we went to the cave, Luke told me that I had to go in alone and face what it is that I most fear.  I had nothing to fear at that time.  I was strong, the alliance had no enemies to speak of, I had no idea what it was going to show me.

As it turns out my lack of fear threw off the experience, it was looking for what I most feared and it instead gravitated to what Luke most feared.  Not for himself, but for me.

It gravitated to the memory that was stuck in Luke’s mind that he knew I would never be able to handle, the memory that he held that would destroy all of the progress that he was making on turning me into a Jedi.

It had all happened approximately nine months before my birth, Luke, Leia, and Han were kicking around on the forest moon of Endor with the Ewoks.  Luke had been out practicing his skills and he was on his way back with some supplies he had gathered from the forest.  It was a good time for Luke and I can see he at this point had no willingness to go on the sojourn that would define him in his later years.

He walked into the forest hut that they were sharing with Wicket, one of the Ewoks that was instrumental in their defeat of the forces on this moon and he saw it.

HE SAW IT, HE SAW EVERYTHING…..

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness he could see shapes and hear grunts, but he did not know at first what he was walking into.  He figured it could not be that bad, what is the worst thing that you are going to run into on Endor, then as he became accustom to the light out of the darkness he made out the shapes of Han and Leia, wearing furry suits, and Leia wearing a strap on that could have been one of C3PO’s appendages, running a train on Wicket.  Then with a Gahhhhahhahhahhahh he saw in the darkness as Chewie, jerking off in the corner shot a huge load right onto Wickets back.

He gave his customary scream of “Nooooooooooo!” as he turned and ran away, the image burned into his retinas.

From that moment he started on the path of the solitary Jedi, never wanting to speak of this moment, never wanting to relive these images.

I faced this memory in the cave, now it was burned into my retinas.  Now this was the experience that I would never be able to forgive or forget.

I collapsed, a few minutes later I crawled out of the cave feeling defeated, Luke came up to me and told me that the visions in the cave were for me and me alone.  I would have to deal with them.

Thanks a lot asshole.  You had these images and you could never come to terms with them and now I am expected to deal with this shit?

My relationship with my parents became even more strained from that moment on.  I had always wondered where I had gotten my huge mane of hair and now it seems I was either part wookie or part Ewok.

I had no idea to what percentages any of my fathers contributed to my actual birth, when it comes to force babies it is always a question.  Frequently there is not even a father present in the equation, or if you do a genetic test they are only marginally related.

I strayed, I rebelled, and eventually I ran into someone that allowed me to use my hate, the first order.  I have never shown my master the images that I hold in my mind, but I sense that he has had some faded glimpses of it.

I try every day to bury these images deeper and deeper into my heart, but this just makes my heart blacker and more cold.


How could they?

Monday, January 11, 2016

A terrible err in judgment

Never eat a breakfast burrito for breakfast, then two regular burritos for lunch, and have 3 dark beers for dinner, THEN climb into a ziplock tight mummy type sleeping bag.

It's Dutch oven season and I can't stand myself.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Hartley ski area, first ski...

Just got off the trail after a pair of quick loops around Hartley nature center, there are good things and bad things, although the general conditions of this winter may be the cause of some of them.

The trail conditions were so-so... a large part of this is the complete lack of snow that we have had this winter so far.  It had been an El Niño winter and a result the snow has been either lousy, slush, rain, or missing us completely.  There is nothing they can do about that.

There are a few things that are problems that they can remedy though.  The marking on the trails is a bit unclear, it actually looks like a lot of the trail signs have been stolen.  If that is the case I find this very annoying, don't steal signs!

Often while I was going down the trail I would look at the map and have to do a complete overview of where I was to figure out what trail I was on and where I had to go.  If there were some hints along the trail for things like "this path goes from M to K", that would be great.

The other problem is that there are too many people walking on the ski trails.  Don't walk on the ski trails!  It really messes up the grooming on the trails, especially when there is no snow to regroom the trails.

Oh well, Hartley is going to be on the list for revisits when we actually get enough snow to actually ski.  Maybe during the daylight, I like night skiing, but going during the daylight would be a lot less stressful, maybe try some of the hard loops!

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Piedmont ski trail

Did a quick loop d' loop of the ski trails at the Piedmont ski loop.  It was a well maintained trail and I am pretty sure that the group I showed up with were the only people there.

There is a scenic overlook along the trail that has a wonderful view of the western part of the harbor, at night with the lights it is a gorgeous sight to see.

This would be a great trail to learn on, it is mostly flat and only has a few hills of note.  There is the short loop for skate skiing and it has two hills if you do the long loop, but if you take the short loop, notably C to D, the stretch front C to D is one downhill and drops you right into the downhill stretch at the end of the outer loop, you never really get a chance to slow down and at night when you are trying to find the trail in the shades of white with a headlamp it is a bit unnerving, but during the day I bet it would be a blast.

The downside of the trail is that it is really short. I had to take the long intermediate loop ( not doing the "difficult" sections at night via headlamp). Plus three loops around the short skate loop to get to 3.6 miles.

The trails right now are in good condition, there were a few icy spots, but no rocks.  The trails are not illuminated at night, alas, you have to go to Lester for that.

The trails are well marked, although there were a few spots where I had to think about where I had come from to determine where the map was telling me to go.

If you in the neighborhood check it out, the trail is right off Hutchinson rd. Which is the first left after you get heading up the hill on piedmont past the five corners mess .

I would look at a real map, my directions suck.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

The many classes of Cross Country skis...

There are traditional skis,
There are skate skis,
There are collector skis...

And then there are "rock skis"...

My definition of rock skis are a pair of old waxless skis that are well past their prime where when you run over a rock in the trail and you know you just left a six foot gouge down the entire surface you say "meh".

When you have to cross a dry street covered in sand you say "meh"....

They are rock skis...

Hartley park hike

I have been on a new years fitness kick, we will see how long this lasts, although some portion of this stems from a step challenge with the girlfriend.

As it turns out when you actually challenge me I exceed.  Maybe she should challenge me on getting a grad school application put together,  considering that she will likely be reading this shortly I am guessing that challenge will be placed in the morning.

I have had a long weekend as a result of the holiday, and I am in pain from my actions, but it is the good pain that results from activity.

Thursday the two of us went snowshoeing, there really was not enough snow to make the snowshoes a necessity, but it was a good three mile haul.

Friday I had another day off for the new year so I went hiking solo, ended up going down the same trails, but for 4.6 miles instead of three.  It was invigorating and a good excuse to drink a Nalgene bottle of coffee in the woods.  It does not hurt that as a result of our el nino weather it has been in the twenty degree range which is hot for this time of year.

Today I went for the breaker, I looked at the trail map for Hartley park and jumped right in on it.  Although I hit the "start hike" button after I was already on the trail I still racked up five miles.

I feel great, sore calves, an oddly sore shoulder, but great!

I want to keep this up and I hope I do, I go by the park I hiked in the first two days on the way from work to home so I can just hit it on the way.

I think if it remains nice out I will do so.

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Empty Spaces

Someone explained to me, once, that being single is much like breaks and pauses in Jazz music.  The empty spaces in music are as important as the notes and beats, themselves.  Music is the language of the heart and soul, and those empty spaces have subconscious meanings where the mind craves resolution for the melody and harmony, chaos and tremor.

I've been entirely without a traditional 'relationship' for a number of years, however this hasn't meant I've gone without sex. Generally, I've had one or two ongoing sexual partners in addition to having a multitude of friends in various degrees of 'closeness'.  The pair of having sexual partners and emotional partners has long been rattling in my brain if this is the ultimate solution to the end of my life.  I don't need to ask permission or opinions, but I like get them, as much as the satisfaction of both pleasuring another and being pleasured.  I don't feel obligated to have sex because of an occasion or event, and I'm not harassed for what I do in my leisure time.

Being single yet sexually active also has it's drawbacks.  I certainly budget in condoms and STD tests. Finding an ongoing sexual partner who doesn't have some other unhealthy behaviors is also difficult, as it's difficult to maintain the proper emotional (and sometimes financial) separation.

This is far different from the "Good Old Days" of traditional "Abstinence until marriage", sometimes under the premise of "Arranged Marriages" where you were supposed to guess what your partners kneecaps looked like, much less any other physical features, not like it mattered...

"She has huge...  tracts of land!!"

I'm trying to take the advice of Ms. Aliff in that it's the most attractive to work on myself, which there is certainly more than enough to work on.

The Adventures in Homelessness Continues!

I've been dutifully void in my writing the past few weeks, namely because of the misunderstood pagan holidays, but also from working and it's related commute.

In mid-November, and the beginning of December, I posted about moving into a shared living space.

I want to say it was "very nice", because of the awesome Chinese foreign exchange student which I shared this home with.

I want to say it was "very nice", because I had a lock on my door, and they provided a bed.

Unfortunately, I cannot say these things with honesty.

The day I moved in, the landlord, a man in his early 20's, said that "The furnace just went out, but it should be fixed sometime this week." He collected the first months rent and deposit without giving me a receipt or lease agreement, which should have been my first warning.

As I work a solid 12 hours per day, at 5 days per week, as well as a 2 hour, each way commute via the public bus, spending 8 hours (or less) under the comfortable covers of my many blankets made me mostly numb to the fact that the furnace had not been repaired, well into days where the temperature inside the home was 40 degrees Fahrenheit. I had asked, more kindly than I should, more than once, for a lease agreement, as to hold the landlord accountable for the repair of the furnace.

It was only when I went exploring the home, again, admittedly after a month of living there, for the washer and dryer to clean a months worth of dirty clothes from work, that I had discovered the male landlords wife's hobby.

The basement had flooded a month before I had moved in, leaving the landlords to abandon their own home to stay with the male's parents.

The basement's walls, sheetrock, had been basically dissolved throughout the entirety of the finished basement, leaving 10" of studs every 18" along the whole basement, spare one corner.

Due to my inquisitive nature, I wondered why this room in particular was spared. I crept around, looking for the washer and dryer, and opened the door to what I initially thought were a pack of hissing snakes.

SNAKES!

Wait...  Nope.  Those are just cats.  Wait, again...  Cats?  Plural? Just how many cats are in this room??  I try to do a quick head-count in the dark. 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12 pairs of eyes...  TWELVE PAIRS OF EYES??

"Jibbers Crabst....  Six cats?!!?" I mutter to myself.  ...No...  there are more, but I'm just not seeing them.

I simply give up counting out of fear that one of these feral monsters may escape the room while trying to count them all.

I ask the lady-lord about them via text message... "Well, I was breeding them for sale?"

To myself: "Who in the sweet green hell breeds cats??"

The place which I attempt to call "home" gets worse.

Upon discovery of the washer and dryer, I discover several cultures of mold that would impress even the most amateur of microbiologist.

"Oh dear, Jibbers, what did I get myself into??"

I attempt to overlook the obvious biological hazards and try to focus on the amazing wireless internet access. 100 mbps can make a man do peculiar things, much like the promise of intercourse. However, Japanese game shows featuring girls blowing bugs into each others mouths can only bring a lonely man so far...

At Thanksgiving, I decided to purchase a Van from my previous bandmate, a 1992 Chevy G20 with 192,000 miles. Then the issue became recovering the van from Minnesota. Almost more quickly than I could plan for it in the month preceding while working 60 hours per week, I organized a trip to Minnesota.  I bought an airplane ticket from Seattle to Minneapolis for a surprisingly reasonable fare of $140, plus an extra $20 for "premium seating" to board first and get off first.

In the next week, I received a rather irritating text message at 1:30 am from the Lady-Lord.

"Starting NOW, you must no longer smoke cigarettes outside on the porch. You MUST smoke on the opposing side of the street. The new roommates are complaining of a cigarette smell in their room."

This was entirely irritating, of course, because the new roommates actually smoked cigarettes as well as weed, and were complaining over the previous roommates smoking in the room they had rented, as well as the powerful cat urine smell permeating the entire house. It was simply easier to blame me for another's actions.

This was the last straw, however.  Besides repeatedly asking for a lease, a receipt for the amount which I had paid, for them to fix the furnace, text messages at such an early hour of such a bitchy nature for something which was both clearly not my fault, and due to their gross negligence prompted me to make some more harsh choices. I quickly gave my notice and intent to move into the van which I had just purchased, sight-unseen.

My three hour flight was exceptionally and pleasantly uneventful to Minneapolis, as well as the 3 hour drive north to Duluth.

I had the foresight to mail a care package to myself, containing my toiletries, clothes, and a special jar of peanut-butter.

I love the Fed-Ex man because he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it.  *smiles*

I enjoyed the sweet leaf like no other...  In fact, it was far too potent, even by my own standards, a seasoned seasoning smoker for the seasons. It was within the first two hours upon my arrival into the twin ports that I partook in pretend parsley inhalation, and, again, relieved the few-month migraine which had been building behind my occupied ocular cavity.  Sweet relief, the sweetest of leaves.

As I visited my closest friends, I was immediately reminded the reasons why I left the area. The 10 degree weather had much to do with it, besides the lack of work and the mentality that "not much is subject to change".

Ignoring the holiday which surrounded me, I made my way to each friends home, spending about 6 hours with each, the entire time attempting to wedge in room to visit even more people I have long known from the area.

I must say that I regret not being able to see Evil Jeff, who ranked high upon my list of "Long-Time-Friends-I-MUST-Visit", but I managed to see my aging grandmother and her new boyfriend, as well as tape a 3 hour long video interview of her, asking her all of the embarrassing questions which I've always longed to ask her. Per her request, I won't dare publish the interview until she's laid in the ground a full 10 years, as it was a condition of the interview.

Upon being seated into my new van, which grossly resembles a retired FBI surveillance vehicle, with the lack of windows, and it's broad white sides, I was rather pleased that it was in such great shape, spare the heater fan which was completely inoperable.

To combat this issue, which I initially deemed as 'minor', I purchased a cigarette powered electric blanket. However, I should have upgraded this issue to "medium" to "major" when taking into account that I fully intended to drive this American made beast 1,800 miles to my new state.

I withdrew $300 in cash from an ATM the day I stepped off the airplane, as well as an additional $300 to spend on seeing the new Star Wars movie, and stuff my son's pockets with in lieu of a holiday gift.  It's a rather good thing I did, as I tried to fuel the monster van leaving the state to find my debit card was blocked.  I guess $60 in fuel looks suspicious?  So the heavy cash withdrawals were a saving grace for when I started the very long, very cold drive back to Washington.

The drive took me a total of 40 hours, just shy of my co-bloggers record of 38 hours to this area, which I think is still rather impressive. The average temperature for the drive was about 15 degrees. The worst part of the drive was just east of Seattle in the Snoqualmie mountains, where the road was completely invisible.  The van would regularly bounce off the drifts of snow, careening at a steady twenty miles per hour in attempt to follow the previous vehicles pair of cow-path tracks left in the snow.

White-Knuckle driving, even for a professional driver, for certain.

I arrived home on the evening of Christmas, praising Jibbers, the Fire-Breathing-Lobster, for a safe return.

Nearly immediately after a long winters nap, I began to prepare the van to make it much more livable. I made a large nest of blankets, ingraining the electric blanket in one of the many, many layers, as well as stringing a forty foot LED light in the ceiling of my portable domicile.

While smoking the fine Washington stuff, I had a moment of inspiration...

"OFFICE SPACE!!"

So, upon my return, I inspected an office space for 1/2 of the cost of the shared living space!

REALLY???  $300 PER MONTH??? HEATING, AIR-CONDITIONING, ELECTRICITY AND MAID SERVICE INCLUDED?! Shared breakroom, shared bathroom, private mailbox and 4 parking spaces.

Well,...  Hell!  I work 12 hour days.

I quickly filled out the application and paid the deposit on the 16'x16'x10' room.

I plan to set up my computers, microwave, toaster oven, mini-fridge, and all of my 'office equipment' like filing cabinets, printer, and other business related equipment in this office space. I also purchased a gym membership at the adjacent "Workout Center", which has a shower and locker-room, and is 24 hours.

Work 12 hours, gym for an hour or two, office space for an hour or four, and retire to my van in it's reserved parking.

The grand total for this? $4,200 per year. Breaking it all down, I pay about $380 per month for all of my living expenses, (besides the storage unit to hold things which don't belong in an office) while netting nearly $3,000 per month.  This makes me smile like a Cheshire Cat.

"Are you homeless?"

"Kinda..."

Silly people

Silly drunk people, trying to get jobs while they are slamming drinks.  That trick only works for geologists.