Friday, February 5, 2016

Love in the age of autism

Relationships are not my forte.  Dating is a confusing mess of miscommunication, missed signals, and miffed misses.  You would think that at some point I would be able to apply some kind of logical system to the would of dating, love, and relationships,  but for any of you who have tried to apply a logic system to human interpersonal relationships you will know it would be far easier to teach your cat linear algebra.

At the moment I am in a relationship, however, I am inevitably doomed to screw this up at some point.  It is what I do best, if it were not for failure I would have no experience at all.

Alas, it is not all a black hole, there are good parts as well.  But much like a black hole my future relationship hopes and possibilities seems to be in the accretion disk just waiting to collapse into the center never to be seen again.

Oddly, I am not all that bothered by this.  I have always been feeling that I am doomed to someday die cold and alone, and I am not disturbed by this.

I feel bad for anyone I am in a relationship with.  I am so confused by what I am doing and what the proper responses to interactions should be that I get stuck and I have no idea what I should be feeling.

It comes across as indecision, it comes across as not having the same feelings for someone else as they have for you.

Nope, just really confused.

After years of errors, miscommunication, and ending up on the wrong end of a error in trying to read people's intentions, it is easier to just avoid it all then it is to fight my way through the gauntlet.
Alas, there is a lot more coming out of this spigot, some of it may involve squirrels.

I have written enough on the phone for one sitting, time to hang it up and collect my thoughts for the next episode.

Ironically after initially writing this the text became useful.  The phone app needs some work, as anything written on there needs to be edited afterwards as it seems to be unable to handle double spacing.  But yeah, I am going through these again now and post them, I will add to them where it seems appropriate.

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