I am so tired of hearing people say “There are other fish in the sea,” “I’m sure you’ll find someone,” “You can definitely find someone who [insert quality or behavior here].” A break up is a severing of an intense connection with another person. When I express my sadness about a break up I am not expressing my desire to find a replacement human. Are human beings so replaceable, are connections so meaningless that my first concern should be about how to replace them?
Of course I know there are other human beings in the world. I also understand that this particular level of connection with this person is over and done. Don’t I get to mourn that? I don’t want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. I don’t consider that any sort of end in itself. Sometimes there are people in my life I want a deeper relationship with because there are things about them that make me happy and maybe I make them happy too. Things like that fail for lots of reasons. Sometimes by the time it falls apart neither person is happy anymore but even severing those kinds of relationships is hard because you get used to things.
This might seem hypocritical coming from someone who has jumped from relationship to relationship. The thing is that I never go looking for relationships. I just end up developing feelings for people easily and then end up in relationships. This time though I am going to try actively avoiding relationships. Just try to figure out me by myself. My least favorite thing about the phrase “There are other fish in the sea,” aside from the implication that human beings and relationships are interchangeable, is the implication that I am not okay with just being single. That I can’t take time for me.
I know that people who say those things mean well and a lot of them are people I like and respect a lot. I have just heard them way too much in the last two weeks and wanted to express why I think those sentiments are problematic.