Friday, June 3, 2016

The Core, should I tear up and piss on my Geology Degree before or after watching?

Occasionally I watch movies on Netflix, sometimes I watch movies that are good.  Sometimes I watch movies that are really, really bad….

In a side not, I was just informed that Jurassic (Mostly Cretaceous) Park is now on Netflix, this may be one of the next victims.

I decided, since I had never taken the time to watch it before there was not much harm that could be done by watching “The Core”.  I should have been warned off by the description that Netflix had in the description literally misusing the word literally.
Hmmm, looks like a giant molten butt plug.


Alas, I am a sucker for punishment.

After suffering through the movie I have only one question, should I have shredded and pissed on my Geology degree before I watched the movie or after?

The premise is that the outer core of the Earth has stopped spinning, which is starting to cause all kinds of crazy electromagnetic effects that all happen to hit major cities.  It also seems to have converted the output of the sun into a death ray.

Not sure where that effect came from, but the total output of the sun at this distance is about 1300 w/m2

Yes, that amount of power can boil the oceans, but it takes a really long damn time.

The movie has the usual cast of characters for these styles of pseudo science films.
Token black scientist, foreigner, hapless hero, token female, female's mentor, and the douche canoe.


The Token Black scientist, who was right all along.

The White scientist who has done bad things he needs to atone for, is keeping secret, and redeems himself in the end shortly before violently dying.

The token female character working in a field that is not generally female dominated, who has a plucky mentor who dies half way through the film, but not until after giving her the secret that changes her outlook on life and makes her step up to the next level.

The plucky, albeit, somewhat hapless hero who saves the world, against all odds.

The token foreigner, who does something really awesome, then dies.

The geeky outsider who does something insanely complicated and saves the world from the backside.

I am pretty sure that is the entire cast that matters.  You can interchange them from film to film, not sure if anyone would notice if you went around exchanging scenes between movies, like take all the black scientist scenes from one move and plug them into another, it would make equal sense.

On top of all of these, rather prosaic downfalls the science in the movie was horrific.  The mantle is not a big molten mass with occasional blocks of hard stuff.  It is a big solid mass, with occasional blocks of molten stuff.

A volcano, especially on the sea floor, is not just a big wide tube from the mantle to the surface that you can drive a bus through.

Ok, they made the fantastic machine that they used to travel into the core out of "unobtanium"....  Are you shitting me?

Slight Spoiler alert....  The movie sucks.

So after a bunch of inherently impossible natural disasters in convenient locations and the ship is at the edge of failing its mission we discover that there is (once again, not much of a spoiler a secret government project that caused the whole thing!

And this is where I populate the Internet with cat pictures.


So if you have no science knowledge and are tired of trolling the Flat Earth Society, feel free, watch The Core, but don't say I didn't warn you.



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