Tuesday, June 4, 2013

A few "Don'ts" of Derby



            It seems when I go on a roller derby rant everyone perks up and wants to see where I am going with it.  I have to still be a bit careful with these to avoid stepping on toes, but let us see how far I can get without that becoming an issue.

            I am really sick of people that think that the best strategy is to watch nationals and then try to mimic everything that they see there.  Yeah, Gotham has some great strategy, they also have some absolutely amazing athletes that can pull that shit off.  Your team also has some great athletes, but they are not at the skill level of Gotham.  Therefore, the strategy that works for Gotham may or may not work for you.  Chances are it will not.

            What you should try instead is to figure out what your limitations are, and then work within those limitations.  Calculate what the needs are for any given jam, and then be fluid within a structure.

            The “time out at the last second to extend a game” bullshit has got to stop.  Ok, there are times that this should be used.  For instance you are down by 15 and think you can sausage the opposing jammer and get a couple of laps up.  Ok, call a time out, we as refs should almost be expecting it.  However, if you are leading, or even worse you are blowing the other team out of the water let the fucking time expire.  Don’t be a douche and make us have to skate another jam.  We are all tired, we know what the end result of the bout is going to be, and we have beers waiting for us.  Let the fucking bout end.

            Don’t grab your back and scream “back block” and expect me to call it.  If I see it I will call it, if I didn’t see it I can’t call it.  Just because you scream “back block” does not mean I am going to call it for you.  If you don’t like it join team zebra.

            Don’t try to get every fucking penalty overturned just because you disagree.  We called it.  We called it because we saw it.  Deal with it.

            Don’t scream at refs because they called you for a penalty.  If you make this a habit you will discover that we can call additional penalties.  You also make yourself a target, which when your trying to be the skater off the radar when you invariably do something illegal is not very smart.

            Essentially this all falls under the header of “don’t be a douche.”  Think to yourself and turn on that “don’t be a douche” filter before you skate out.  If you still can’t figure out how not to be a douche we have a special place for people who can’t help but be a douche.  If you ask me I can tell you how to get there.