Saturday, January 4, 2014

The Minnesota Vikings should hire a Gay Head Coach....

Think about it, it makes perfect sense...

This isn't just a Chris Kluwe fan-boy thing either, this is serious...

The Vikings should hire a gay head coach, it makes perfect sense, I mean really, look at it....

The NFC North has the Vikings, and then it has three other teams...

You have the Bears, well any gay head coach will know how to deal with bears.

You have the Packers, and I am not even going to go into that joke.

And then you have the Lions (prep the hand gestures) Rawrrrrrr....

Now you have to look at the rest of the NFC....

The New York Giants, Yeah, as if, you only say your Giants...

The Cowboys?  We all watched Brokeback Mountain, we know how that works...

Eagles, Cardinals, Seahawks, Falcons, Put a bird on it, really?  A peacock by any other name is just strutting its stuff in the same game....

Redskins?  Well, the Native American people were actually very open about homosexuality, if you don't believe me look up Two-Spirit people or berdaches, hell watch Little Big Man....

St. Louis Rams?  I am not even going to go there...  And Furries to boot!

San Francisco 49ers, 69 is only 20 yards away...

Carolina Panthers?  Sounds like a group of furries...

Saints?  Deeply closeted compensation.

Buccaneers, pirates?  If you knew anything about the corsairs, which were the original pirate culture you would think twice about them...

And now you have the AFC.

Buffalo, Bengals, Jaguars....  Furries, the whole lot of them.

Miami Dolphins?  Have any of you been to Miami?  South Beach, all I have to say.

New England?  New England is liberal country....

Jets?  Well, they may be trouble, but by their recent performance I think not.

Broncos, sounds like a cowboy reference, see Dallas Cowboys up above....

Chiefs, look up above at the Redskins...

Raiders?  Pantie Raiders...  Over-compensation.

Chargers, ok the Chargers may be an issue, but once again they are in a different division and hopefully would not be an issue until the Vikings make the Super Bowl in 2015.

The Browns, once again, I have no where to go on this one, but they are named for a color...  Maybe if they were the Cleveland Ecru I would have more to go on.

The Steelers....  Hmmmm another case where I they are a wild card and we would just have to home they don't make the playoffs.

The Texans?  This is another Cowboy complex, look back to the Cowboys once again.

The Colts?  Sounds like pony boys, that is a whole tack-fetish thing I don't want to get into.

And finally the Tennessee Titans, yeah, they wish they were Titans...

So you see, other than the Jets, the Chargers, the Browns (unless they are ecru) and the Steelers the whole league could easily be handled with the superior social knowledge that a gay head coach could provide.  And honestly people, think about it.  This is a game of running three yards, fall down, smack each other on the ass and say "good job".  How much more homoerotic do you want to get?

To round up how this would work, the Vikings have two games each against the Packers, the Bears, and the Lions (Rawrrrrr).  A gay head coach would certainly help them win those challenges.  The rest of the NFC would also be easily handled by the superior knowledge that a gay head coach would provide.  The AFC would be more tricky, but the ability to work through the system of the NFC would guarantee the Vikings a spot in the Super Bowl, and looking at the AFC teams they would have a 75% chance of emerging victorious just on the basis of their coach and the special skill set that he would be bringing to the sidelines.

Not to mention, it would be Fabulous!

And if this doesn't work, then just do what the Vikings have done every season....  Punt!