Friday, February 5, 2016

Love in the age of autism, part three

Life is a continuing saga.  I like to cuddle, cuddling is safe.

Sex may be fun, but being that close to another person has scary aspects as well.

You have to be able to love the one your with, but in the end you will only be with yourself.  Will you still love yourself tomorrow?

I am really asking here, will you?

It is not as simple as yes or no, there are so many shades of grey, so many questions and possible pitfalls in relationships.

Will you still love yourself tomorrow?

Sometimes never having to ask the question is easier than making yourself find the answer.

Some people find life easy, untroubling, maybe they just don't care what the answer is.

Maybe these existential concerns that I find terrifying and crippling in life are only concerns I have.

Lack of confidence?  Lack of initiative?

Like I said never asking the question is easier than finding out the answer.

I may never find what I am looking for, but considering that even if I find it I may not know that it is standing in front of me with a come hither look.

I alienate people.  I always have.

I am hard to hold....

Always within grasp, but hard to hold.

Giving in is easier than giving out.


I am leaving this pretty much as it is, it was a stream of consciousness thing anyway.